Sugar High
by KissyFit
Summary: Parody of EMPIRE RECORDS with all your fave HP Characters..minus the fabulous soundtrack. UPDATED FINALLY AFTER SOOO LONG!
1. Default Chapter

FF .net  
  
I do not own any of the characters that are mentioned in this story, nor do I own the script for "Empire Records." The only person I do own is the character of Audrey. Read on kids.*  
  
The beginning of their 7th year at Hogwarts was truly the beginning of a completely new time in the wizard world. After the attack of Voldemort in the 5th year, Harry and company ahd spent the last year and a half defeating the dark lord. Draco Malfoy, the most annoying git in the world, turned out to be halfway decent after his father was castrated and placed in a barrel after denouncing his ties to Voldemort.  
  
The summer before 7th year, the wizarding world had begun to rebuilt itself from the ruins of the war. Muggle and magical aspects were all incorporated. As a new program at Hogwarts to integrate muggle ways into the curriculum, Dumbledore started a "work-study" program for 6th and 7th year students in Hogsmeade. Professor Snape decided to quit his job as a potions professor and manage a magical record store in Hogsmeade, Empress Records. It featured both muggle and magical music.  
  
This story takes place the last part of 7th year for Harry and Co  
  
Chapter One  
  
Ginny walked into the office at Empress Records. It was late and she was dying to get off work. She walked into the office and saw Harry sitting on the couch.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Ginny."  
  
Ginny sighed, and walked across the room to the lockers. "Harry, what are you doing in here?"  
  
Harry leaned back on the couch and crossed his legs. He had a far-off look. Harry paused, then turned towards Ginny. "My life has reached its pinnacle.Snape is letting me close the store tonight."  
  
"You're kidding?!" Ginny stared at him, then burst into a small laughing fit.  
  
"I am not."  
  
"Big responsibility Harry."  
  
"Yes," said Harry. "But Snape's rules are extremely simple. Keep my hands off his butterbeer, cigars, and drumsticks."  
  
Ginny shut her locker and straddled Harry on the couch. She put out her lower lip and sighed. "My, my, how will you remember it all?" Ginny got up and walked towards the exit, "Good luck.don't screw it up."  
  
Harry sat up straight on the couch and rubbed his hands together. "A responsibility like this requires the obedience of a saint."  
Harry propped his feet up on Snape's desk with a cigar dangling from the corner of his mouth. He was concentrating, despite the loud music, on counting the money from that day. He finished and put all the money into the sacks that had to be put in the safe. He began to clean up the desk a bit when he stumbled upon a piece of parchment that looked like a contract.  
  
Harry lifted the parchment up the light and read what it said.  
  
Magik Muzik Towne Franchise Option Agreement  
  
"They gotta be kidding! In the Immortal words of some muggle band called The Doors.the time to hesitate is through."  
  
Harry leaped out of the chair, grabbed his broom and flew off.sacks of money weighing him down.  
Chapter 2  
  
Harry flew half the night to Atlantis City, one of biggest gambling, booze guzzling, booby flashing towns that was known especially for its high rollers.  
  
Harry stepped into the Cruella Craps and Roulette bar, money bags in tow.  
  
He walked up to one of the roulette tables and placed a bet on 22.  
  
The ball spun around and landed on 22.  
  
"22 black," said the employee.  
  
Other regular gamblers were murmuring amongst themselves, wondering who the new high roller was.  
  
Harry wandered over to the craps table and placed the bag full of galleons on the table. The craps croupier eyed him with much curiosity, but did not pay him much attention.  
  
"Bets... end of roll. New roller. Place your bets please ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets down.we have a high roller," looking at Harry with an amused look in his eyes.  
  
Harry smirked back in a way Draco Malfoy himself would have been proud of. "9, 104 galleons, I counted it..twice."  
  
One of the various women who were draped along the table sauntered over to Harry and literally latched onto his side. With a voice that sounded like she had smoked one too many cigarettes in her time, she leaned into Harry and said,"I like your style."  
  
Harry looked at her for a moment, eyed her more buxom friend who was on the other side of the leech-like woman, then looked back at her with a glint in his eye.  
  
"Well, Joe told me to count it twice."  
  
The craps croupier stared at him intently. He then realized who the new high roller was.  
  
"That would be very good Mr. Potter."  
  
The leech woman and her friend were now on either side of Harry.  
  
"Feeling lucky?"  
Harry smirked, and rolled the dice. "I'm guided by a force much greater than luck."  
  
The table watched as the dice rolled to the other end. An audible gasp came from the group as the dice stopped.  
  
"Seven! A winner!"  
  
Leech woman and company hugged Harry and began to jump up and down, carefully exposing their cleavage in the process to the new high roller.  
  
"Baby! You are sex!"  
  
A smile slowly formed on Harry's face as he placed his new bets. "I know." 


	2. High Roller

Disclaimer: The only character I own is the character of Audrey, who will be in later chapters. Other than that, I do not own Harry Potter and Co. or Empire Records.  
  
Now on with the show...  
  
~*~*~*~*  
Harry smiled as he continued to roll the dice. He was flying high.and getting conveniently groped by his new groupies.  
  
The craps croupier cleared the table. "Same lucky shooter, put your bets down ladies and gentlemen. Hot shooter on the line!"  
  
Harry stared intently at the table. "You know what," said Harry in a monotone voice, careful to not display any emotions," let it ride."  
  
"Hot dice coming out!"  
  
A man across from Harry who he recognized as Blaize Zabini looked at the dice to Harry.  
  
"That's eighteen thousand galleons Potter. You may have crushed the dark side, but you were never much of a gambler."  
  
"I know this Zabini, if I win this roll, I will save the place I work from being sold, and the jobs of my friends that work there, thus striking a blow at all that is evil and making this world a better place to live in."  
  
Blaise snorted into his drink. "Same old save the world shit Potter, but this is craps, not voldemort. You need a life kid, the five minutes s up." With that, Blaise walked away, as if knowing what the outcome of Harry's game would be.  
  
Everyone had placed their bets down. " No more bets ladies and gentlemen."  
  
Harry gripped the edge of the table. Snape, this one's for you.  
  
The dice rolled and Harry saw them in slow motion.  
  
"Two, craps. End of roll."  
  
Harry felt his legs turn into jelly. The women who, just a few moments before, had been practically attached to his hip, now backed away in slight disgust.  
  
"You know," said the leggy blond, "you used to be cute."  
  
Another gambler who had been watching the whole time laughed, and slapped Harry on the back. "You know what else kid? You used to also have eighteen thousand galleons."  
  
Harry walked back outside and hopped on his broom.  
  
I wonder if I will be held responsible for this?  
Thanks for reading! Sorry this was so incredibly short. 


	3. Say no more, mon amour

I don't own any of these characters except Audrey. HP and Empire Records did not come from my brilliant mind.  
  
But thanks for reading it:-D  
*******Chapter Three********  
Draco and Ron were now, surprising, pretty good friends. They walked to the back entrance of "Empress Records."  
  
Ron, as usual, was high off the new wizarding pot that his brothers manufactured on the sly. Draco was just, well, plain old Draco, minus the mean and sinister. And no more sarcasm.  
  
They rounded the corner, and it was not much of a surprise that Harry was there, hovering a few feet above the ground, asleep on his broom.  
  
Draco ran over and put a cushioning charm underneath the broom, then pushed him off his broom.  
  
"Harry! Hey Harry! Harry? What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
Harry rolled over and sat up. " Something happened to me last night. In Atlantis City."  
  
Draco leaned back against one the rails and smirked. "Oh, so you went to Atlantis City? What did you cash in? Your fame?"  
  
"Shut up Malfoy." Ron staggered towards Harry, trying desperately not laugh. He tended to have terrible laughing fits after smoking.  
  
"So mate, didja win anything?"  
  
"No," said Harry as he sat down on the ground. "I did not win. So if you guys ever wonder if it was nice to know you, I tell you now that it was. That even goes for you Malfoy."  
  
"Shit Harry. What stupid thing are you brooding about? Did you try to show some married broad how 'powerful' your 'wand' was again?"  
  
Harry sighed and looked up at Draco. " I do not regret the things that I have done, but those that I did not do."  
  
"Fuck Harry! How much? How Much?!" Draco was beginning to fume. The group that worked together at Empress were planning on getting a house after graduation in London. If Harry blew all his money, they were screwed.big time. Draco was cut off by his family, save for a few hundred galleons his mother sent to his vault every month. He was still loaded, but he was not about to support a gang of losers who knew nothing about money.  
  
Draco sat there fuming, then he realized there was no way Harry would be able to go to Gringotts by the time he left the store last night, which meant.  
  
"SHIT!"  
  
"Malfoy, calm the fuck down. What do you mean by shit?"  
  
"Well, Weasley, Harry here never has any cash on him unless he drags his shining self to Gringotts, which would have been CLOSED when Harry got off work last night. Boy wonder over here was closing the store for Snape last night."  
"Ha!" Ron was red with glee, before realizing the severity of the issue. "Oh, Huh. I guess Harry didn't live up to the responsibility of the position."  
  
Draco shook his head. "Nope, not the full responsibility."  
  
At that moment, Draco spotted Snape.  
  
"Shut up! Shut up!" Draco walked towards Snape. "Hey, What's up Sev?"  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, no matter how long I have not taught you and your motley crew, I am still to be regarded with some respect." The three of them stared at Snape with their mouths open. Ever since he quit, he was so much more laid back and well, less greasy looking. He even developed a tan after leaving the dungeons. So to have him suddenly revert back to old Snape mode was simply frightening.  
  
Snape smirked.."Get in the store. You're pathetic, the lot of you," said Snape as he unlocked the door laughing as he entered.  
  
He turned around to his three employees, and the laughter stopped. "it's freakin' Gilderoy Lockhart Day."  
  
Gilderoy Lockhart, never regained his memory after his curse backfired during the second year. He was, however, allowed to retain his knowledge of magic and re-create an identity for himself. He became a pop singing sensation almost overnight. The whole wizarding world, save a few such as Snape, saw no reason why he should have been given another chance.  
  
Ron flopped on the couch munching on some left-over chips that were on the table. "What's with the Hostility Snapey? Hahahah.rhyming."  
  
Draco, who was busy getting himself ready for work began singing under his breath, "say no more, mon amour."  
  
Ron, hearing draco, jumped up on the coffee table, "Lips are for kissing baby je t'adore. MWAH!" 


	4. Cupcakes

Chapter 4-Ron! Phone!  
  
Snape and the boys entered the store and began to turn on the lights and get everything ready for the big promo day for Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
The phone on the counter began to ring. Ron, who was re-stocking the wizard discs sat there staring at the phone.obviously still high.  
  
Snape saw this and immediately marched over to Ron and smacked him upside his head. "RON! THE PHONE!"  
  
Ron stared at the phone and back at Snape. "Oh."  
  
Ever since the end of the watr, numerous muggle contraptions were being used by wizards everywhere. The "phones" were basically small devices that showed a hologram of the person who was calling, or the business hologram of the company calling. No more need to messy fireplaces.  
  
"Empress Records, open till midnight, this is Ron..yeah..HEY SNAPE! IT's THE BANK!"  
  
Snape walked into his office and picked up the phone. " Yeah, it's Snape..are you sure? Yeah Mitch. MITCH! Mitch will you stop yelling please!"  
  
Draco, who was busy cleaning the front doors, heard Snape in the back room. He dropped his supplies and walked to the back to find Snape pacing. Under his breath he was trying to come up with a believable script if he was asked about Harry. What's wrong Sev..nah.Harry No way, he's a prat, but his head isn't full of bobbotubber pus..  
  
Ron was following behind Draco when they reached the back room.  
  
"Uh oh.here he comes."  
  
Snape stormed out of his office to the corner where the safe was and whispered the charm. He opened the safe..  
  
"Dammit Harry!"  
  
Draco and Ron stepped back.."What's wrong Sev," said Draco, voice wavering at the thought.  
  
*~*Meanwhile.back at Hogwarts*~*  
  
Hermione was stepping out of the portrait hole where Ginny was waiting by the portrait for her.  
  
"Surprise!" said Hermione in a voice all too chipper for the usually studious and quiet girl. In her arms was a giant pink and red box covered in glitter and hearts.  
  
Ginny took note of the girl in front of her. Hermione was in, as far as Ginny was concerned, an NC-17 skirt, as far as the length went. She had on a body hugging sweater that showed just the right amount of her stomach. On her face was..makeup?!  
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
"Happy Gilderoy Lockhart Day!" Hermione  
  
Hermione handed Ginny a cupcake with a picture of Gilderoy Lockhart that was charmed to grin and wink. Ginny stared at the cupcake with a look of bewilderment and amusement.  
  
"When did you have the time to do this? Yesterday you were complaining about how you only had SIX feet for your potions essay."  
  
Hermione put her chin up as they began to walk to the carriages that would take them to town. "Dumbledore says that there are 24 usable hours in every day, thank you."  
  
"You amaze me," said Ginny as they got into one of the horseless carriages. "You are a nerd."  
  
Hermione grinned back at one of her Gilderoy cupcakes. "That's me!"  
  
They began to move down the hill when Ginny turned to face Hermione with a serious look on her face.  
  
"So?"  
  
"So.."  
  
Ginny threw her hands in the air in mock frustration. "SO?"  
  
Hermione had a cheshire cat-like grin on her fave. "So today, I will offer myself to Gilderoy Lockhart."  
  
"Alright Hermione!"  
  
Hermione looked at her wizarding disc with Gilderoy's grinning face all over the cover and began to kiss it. "Oh, I love you..."  
  
Ginny laughed at the sight of her bookish friend going ga-ga over someone who wasn't worth a knut in her mind. She grabbed the disc and began licking Gilderoy's face. "Like this Hermione.mmmm..Gilderoy..ahhhhhh!"  
  
Hermione snatched the disc back. "Get your tongue off my disc!"  
  
Both girls looked at each other and began to laugh. Hermione looked at Ginny. "You this Gil is the right guy for my first time?"  
  
Ginny sighed, knowing that there was no other answer than.."I think he's perfect got you Herms." 


	5. How to say I love you

Chapter 5- how to say "I love you."  
  
Thanks for all the people who have emailed me.here's the new chapter. It's summer vaca so im pumping these out faster than I can even imagine! I'm also working on an original fic. I'm a bit stuck though since almost all D/HR scenarios have been covered in one way or another..so im trying to get the creative juices pumping. Any loose ideas in *your* heads?  
  
On with the story(  
  
*~*back at the store.*~*  
  
Draco sat on the desk in the back room sketching as usual. He always had a passion for art, although his father continually told him how useless art was, unless it was a naked sketch that moved. Draco thought about the past, his attitude not even a year ago, and how different he was now. Sure, he hated those who were not brought up as he had been, but he had learned to accept them as equals. Working at the store furthered his discovery of different people and different classes. He also wanted to love, but that seemed like such a far fetched idea. The only person he was comfortable talking about it was.  
  
"Hey Sev..?"  
  
Snape was busy looking over papers and pacing. He had worn a nice little path from his office to the safe and back. "Yeah?"  
  
Draco got up and sat on the couch. "I need to ask you something."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Now, I know you were always deemed a heartless bastard.." Snape stopped pacing at the comment, shook his head, and continued to pace.  
  
Draco sighed and continued. " But at one point you must have known about women and love and all that sort of thing."  
  
Snape stopped and walked around to face Draco. "Ha. Yeah. The one woman I loved left me for another woman, and the last witch that I was even remotely interested in forced me to leave at wand-point.does this qualify me?"  
  
"Oh yeah! Definitely. Look, Professor, I've decided that today is the day that I'm gonna tell Corey how I feel about her."  
  
Snape had already begun to continue pacing at this point. "Uh huh."  
  
Draco got up and followed Snape around the room. "No, I know what you're thinking, but I really am. I mean, I've been working here off and on for the past year, and man, I don't know. She used to be this awful mudblood. But ever since I was kicked out of my house and I had to work with, well, all sorts of people, I really got to know her you know? I mean, hell, I'm ever friend with bloody Potter and High to the Sky Weasley! We even bunk together now! Anyways, I've gotta tell her how I feel, you know? I've gotta tell her that I, er,.well, you know, that I er.."  
  
Snape paused at the safe and looked at a flustered Draco. "Love her?"  
  
"Yeah! Now how do I do that?"  
  
Snape got up and placed his hands on Draco's shoulders. "You say 'I love you'. What do you want? Written instructions?" Snape began to look around the room and began to mumble to himself. " .if I find that kid, I swear, I swear I am going to hex him."  
  
Draco began speaking to no one in particular. "Ok, I am going to tell her this morning."  
  
Snape was still pacing. "Good."  
  
"By noon..definitely."  
  
"Right," said Snape, who was barely paying attention to the love struck boy.  
  
"No.by noon or one."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"By 1:37 EXACTLY, Sev."  
  
Snape began to walk into his office." Well, good luck."  
  
"Well, thank you."  
That's all! Thanks again for reading! 


	6. Hey Sev!

Disclaimer: Same as always, this stuff isn't mine.  
"Hey Sev!"  
  
The carriage pulled up to the back of the store. Ginny and Hermione hopped out and walked into the back singing at the top of their lungs.  
  
"Don't be a sad girl Just be a glad girl You're not a bad girl!"  
  
Hermione sighed as she set her cupcakes down. " God, remember the first time he sung it on 'The Family Way'?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I got so excited I almost choked on my sugar quill!" Hermione looked like she was going to swoon just remembering how she felt that day.  
  
Draco came in just as the girls began to settle down. "Hey," said the girls as they walked towards their lockers.  
  
Hermione ran up to Draco with a Gilderoy cupcake. "Happy Gilderoy Lockhart Day!"  
  
Draco began to usher them outside in a hurry, practically pushing Hermione and Ginny on top of each other.  
  
"You guys cannot go in there right now. I've got something to tell you. Both of you, listen. It's really crazy news."  
  
Ginny straightened out her skirt, and placed a hand on her hip, not at all amused that she was pushed and shoved outside. "What?"  
  
Draco took a deep breath and began to tell them about Harry. "Alright."  
  
*~*Back in the store.*~*  
  
Snape was furiously waving numbers on the wizard phone. "Come on Harry, PICK UP THE PHONE! Pick it up.come on SCARHEAD!"  
  
*~*(*~*  
  
Draco and the girls walked back into the store as if they were completely oblivious to the whole situation, even though they ahd been thouroughly briefed by Draco just moments before.  
  
Snape was outside of his office randomly throwing papers around in frustration.  
  
Ginny practically skipped up to him trying to keep up the 'I -know-nothing' façade. "Hey Snapey!"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and whispered to Draco, "Does Severus know?"  
  
Draco tensed up a bit at being so close to Hermione. "No, so just act normal."  
  
Taking a page out of Ginny's book, Hermione brought herself to new heights of fake elation.."HEY SEV!"  
  
"What up Snape?" Draco watched as the girls literally bounced around the room.  
  
"What's new Sevey?"  
  
"How ya' doin'?"  
  
Snape stopped throwing papers/. "DAMN!"  
  
The Draco and the girls just looked at one another and walked out of the back room towards the store.  
Sorry so short. Just bear with me..and REVIEW!!! 


	7. You Screwed Me, Harry

*~*Chapter 7:You screwed me Harry*~*  
Draco, flanked by Hermione and Ginny, walked into the main store. Ron had his music blasting all over the loudspeaker as he air guitared his way around the aisles.  
  
Ginny picked up an open pack of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans and distributed them to the staff. She picked one from the pack and held it behind her back. "Ok, let's see who gets to go first. I got a BROWN! Anybody got a brown?"  
  
Ron looked at his bean, then up to Ginny. "Brown?"  
  
Draco and Ginny looked at their beans. "No," said Draco. "Orange," said Ginny with a pout.  
  
Ron ran up to them and showed them his Bertie Bott. "Aw, shit."  
  
"Oh no."  
  
"NAH NAH NAH NAH!!!!" Ron danced around waving his brown Bertie Bott in the air as he summoned a CD from a muggle group called GWAR to the disc player.  
  
A few minutes before opening the store, Draco took out his wand and tapped the magical disc player. The store was engulfed in heavy metal blaring from the speakers; Ron was still dancing up and down the aisles.  
  
"dannannanana..weeeeeeeee! dun dun dun dun..hey! what'cha doin' Malfoy?!"  
  
"Im excercising my veto.. Weasley" Draco walked towards the boxes of Wizard Discs and muttered "wingardium leviosa" to float the discs to the proper aisles.  
  
Ron stopped next to Draco by the stairs and sat down. "But it's only 9 o'clock. You sure you wanna do that?"  
  
"Ron, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile."  
  
Ron got up in a huff. "Maybe I want to be sterile."  
iMeanwhile..in the backroomi  
  
Snape was cleaning up some of the mess that he had made in his angry fit earlier that he didn't even notice that Hermione had come back to work on her homework.  
  
He saw her sitting in one of the corner offices in the back, diligently pouring over several books and scribbling onto the parchment at an incredible pace.  
  
"Hermione? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Arithmancy and Potions. The new potions professor, and I never thought I would live to say this, but she is much harder and more biased against Gryfindors than you ever were. Plus, my dad wants me to get the top marks this year.well, like every year."  
  
"No Hermione, I mean, you know you're not on till this afternoon, right?"  
  
"Severus! It's Gilderoy Lockhart Day!" Hermione almost bounced off her seat at the mere thought.  
  
"Bloody Gilderoy Lockhart day." Snape walked off muttering a string of curses back to his office.  
  
Hermione didn't even notice Snape's dislike for the famous singer. She leaned back on the her chair and chewed on her sugar quill thinking about *sigh* Gilderoy....  
  
*~*.*~*  
  
The Magik Musik Tele Vision (MMTV) was playing Gilderoy videos continually throughout the day.  
  
Ron summoned several magiv t.v.'s to the dais where Gilderoy would be sitting later that day. The video for his latest hit, "Say No More, Mon Amour" was blasting from the speakers. Ron danced wildly around the store kissing pictures of famous witches who's posters grimaced everytime Ron ran up to lick them.  
  
"..lips are for kissing baby, so say no more." sang Ron as he proceeded to lick Britta Sparks, a new pop artist who danced around dressed like a Howart's student gone bad, complete with a very short skirt, tiny shirt, and ripped robes that revealed a voluptuous figure.. Her hit single, "I'm a Veela for You," was on top of the charts as well.  
  
Snape walked out to Ron practically violating the poster of Britta. "Could you please not sing Ron?"  
  
Ron stopped humping the poster and marched up to Snape. "You know what Sev? One of these days im gonna show you little people."  
  
Snape snorted, " Yeah, well on that day im going to jump off my broom and do a dance in mid-air."  
  
Ron chose to ignore the comment and tried to make conversation. "Soooo..how about today huh? Gilderoy Lockhart day." his voice trailed off as he watched Harry come into the front doors. "Uh oh.."  
  
Harry walked up to Snape and Ron, a completely calm look on his face. "Ron."  
  
"Harry."  
  
Snape looked at him, repressing all urges to hex him to the next town. "Harry."  
  
Harry looked at Snape with the same calm demeanor. "Severus."  
  
"Where's the money?"  
  
Harry sighed. "Snape, the money is gone."  
  
They all began to walk to the back room.  
  
"Harry, I know it's gone. Where's it gone to?"  
  
"Atlantis City."  
  
Snape took a deep breath before continuing."Atlantis city?"  
  
Harry sat down on the couch and shrugged. "yeah."  
  
"Harry, it is coming back from Atlantis City?"  
  
"er.I don't think so Sev."  
  
"Harry..what's it doing in Atlantis city?"  
  
"Re-circulating."  
  
"re-circulating?" replied Snape.  
  
"Uh oh. Are you pissed off Snape?"  
  
"Harry."  
  
"Snape."  
  
"Harry."  
  
"Severus."  
  
"Look Harry, I told Mitchell Fudge that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here."  
  
Harry looked up at Snape. "No, that's not true. It's in Atlantis City..I swear."  
  
Snape grabbed the neck of Harry's shirt and shook him violently. "Shut up ! Shut up!" Snape dropped Harry back on the couch. "Sit down and don't you move."  
  
"It could be in other cities by now." Harry was positioning himself to a more comfortable position on the couch.  
  
Snape lunged back at Harry pointing his wand between Harry's eyes. "Oh SHUT UP! Under no circumstances do I want you to leave that couch. Unless it's to bring me nine thousand galleons, and then you bring it here to me, ok?"  
  
"Snape," said Harry in a monoton voice that grated on Snape's nerves, "I think it's going to be ok."  
  
Snape let go of Harry and pushed him back against the couch. "What makes you think that?"  
  
Harry crossed his legs on top of the coffee table. "Who knows where thoughts come from. They just appear.uh-huh."  
  
"I always said you were a moron Potter." 


	8. Damn the Man!

*~*Chapter 8: DAMN THE MAN*~*  
  
A subtle "ahem!" shook Hermione from her latest Gilderoy daydream. She got up and saw a man holding a bouquet of exotic plants, as well as some muggle ones.  
  
The man looked at her intently, the he finally got off his broom and walked towards Hermione.  
  
"Are you Hermione Granger?"  
  
Hermione took the huge bouquet and grinned from ear to ear.  
  
"For me?"  
  
"mm hmm." said the florist as he handed her a piece of parchment to sign.  
  
"Oh wow! Thank you!"  
  
The florist took the parchment from Hermione and began to walk towards the door.  
  
"Uh-hmm..later."  
  
"Yeah," said Hermione, who was still looking at the flowers. "Bye. Thank you."  
  
The door slammed behind the florist as Hermione set the flowers down in the corner of the register where she had been working. Ginny came up and immediately snatched up the card that Hermione plucked out from among the many flowers in her arrangement.  
  
"To the number one in her class," read Ginny in a high squeaky voice,"Wardvard 1999. Make me proud, love Daddy. Aww..that sweet."  
  
Hermione flopped down on the ground and frowned. Since she insisted on living in the wizard world, her dad realized that she would not be attending Oxford, or even Harvard in the states. Then he found out Wardvard University, the wizarding world's equivalent to an ivy league education. It was magically linked to Harvard, and all of it's graduates, should they ever choose to live as a muggle, were automatically accredited by the famous muggle institution, which was really founded by wizards and witches who had gone to America in the 18th century. He knew that Hermione was smart enough to go there, so he constantly encouraged her in the best way he knew how...expecting nothing less than perfection from her.  
  
"Merlin, nothing's ever good enough for him, huh?"  
  
Ginny rubbed her shoulders and helped her up. "Aww, no, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that. No he didn't-, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that."  
  
"Er, excuse me?" An irritated customer was tapping her wand on the counter top where the red-head was consoling the small brunette on the floor. Hermione got up immediately and brushed off her skirt and produced her most brilliant smile.  
  
"Hi, how are you today?"  
*~*  
  
Ron was still roaming around the store, banging his head to the music along with some of the customers. He found another picture of Britta Sparks and Christine Aguigola, and began kissing the picture as the girls in the picture squealed and hid from his roaming tongue. At the moment, Pansy came in like an army of darkness.  
  
Hermione leaned forward, still smiling like her life depended on it. "Hi Pansy."  
  
Pansy walked by and gave Hermione the finger.  
  
Hermione slumped back down to the ground. "She hates me." After the defeat of Voldemort, the Slytherins and Gryffindors had a tough time trying to come to common ground, although the majority of them had a truce that was known throughout the school. Pansy, however, refused to back down and befriend the Gryffindors. She never gave anyone a reason why. She just stopped dressing in skanky clothes and stuck mostly to her neo-nazi dark army gear. She never had anything kind to say, if she said anything at all. Hermione had tried her hardest to befriend the slytherin princess, but to no avail.  
  
Ginny, for the second time that day pulled Hermione up. "She hates me too, but I have enough sense to hate her back.  
  
*~*  
  
Pansy pushed open the door to the back room and came face to face with Harry on the couch.  
  
"Morning Pansy."  
  
Draco saw her come in as well, "Hi Pans."  
  
Snape stepped out of his office as Pansy stepped into the bathroom. He began to pace in front of Harry, occasionally stopping to scratch his head.  
  
"Harry, are you in trouble? Did you need the money? Because if you are in trouble you can talk to me, you know that right? I'm no longer the git that pissed you off in the dungeons. I thought we called a truce?"  
  
Harry, in his contemplative state, looked up at Snape. "We are all in some kind of trouble. Am I the only one who sees it? You know, Pansy's in trouble and Draco's in trouble."  
  
"I am not in trouble!" Draco got up and walked towards the couch.  
  
".and Hermione is in trouble."  
  
Draco looked at Harry with a confused look in his eyes. "'Mione is NOT in trouble. She's going to Warvard!"  
  
".Ron's in trouble."  
  
Snape threw a piece of paper at Harry. "I'm the only who's in trouble here, 'cuz every moment that goes by and I don't call the ministry, I look like a bigger pumpkin-head!"  
  
"Snape," said Harry," I can categorically say that you are not a bigger pumpkin-head."  
  
Snape was fuming now. Here was mister calm as the sea Potter sitting on the bloody arse while he had to grasp at air to figure out his situation. "You screwed me Harry- -you know that right? What do you want me to do?" Snape looked at Harry, who just shrugged. "Call Mitchell Fudge and tell him that I LIED?"  
  
Harry examined his nails, then stretched his arms behind his head. His demeanor was definitely getting on Snape's nerves.  
  
"It seems like a viable option," said Harry as he continued to stretch.  
  
Snape snatched out his wand and had it between Harry's eyes..again. "I swear, if you are fooling with me, I will Avada you."  
  
"Hmm., " said Harry as he contemplated on life after death, without really saying out loud what he was thinking. He had no doubt in his mind that Snape would kill him.  
  
"Draco!" Snape did not move from his position, hovering above Harry with an almost maniacal look about him. " I need another closer."  
  
"Sev! I opened man!"  
  
Severus finally removed his want from Harry's forehead. "Look, I wouldn't ask, but I have no choice."  
  
"I can close!" Harry scooted up, a real look of hope on his face.  
  
Draco shook his head, and walked towards the door. "Yeah, I can close. It's cool. They just raised the price on the house this morning so I need the extra money."  
  
"Well, Damn the man," said Harry as he resumed his position of slouching on the couch.  
  
Snape sat down in a chair with his head in his hands. "Oh Merlin, I am in HELL!" 


	9. PansyBald and Beautiful?

I would just like to say THANK YOU to the wonderful people who have reviewed:-D And I KNOW I keep making little (BIG) booboo's all over the place. I am doing my best to be more aware of what I'm writing.  
  
Here comes the next chapter..  
  
*~*Chapter 9: Pansy-Bald and Beautiful*~*  
  
Back in the work room, Pansy was in the bathroom staring at her face in the mirror. "You look absolutely disastrous my dear," said the mirror. Pansy had to keep from smashing it to bits right then and there. She took out her wand and looked at her long blond locks.then pointed her wand to her scalp and whispered a charm. Starting from her hairline, her hair began to disappear..  
  
*~*  
  
"Hey, Potter," said Draco as he sat on the floor magically gluing knuts to the floor," do you think it's possible for someone to be in love with someone else and not even know it?"  
  
Harry, back in his contemplative slouch on the sofa, leaned forward, " in this life, there are nothing but possibilities."  
  
"Hmm." said Draco. " That's good because I have to tell Hermione I love her by 1:37."  
  
"That, Draco, is an excellent time."  
  
At that moment, Pansy emerged from the bathroom and began to put her things into her locker. Draco looked a bit shocked, then quickly regained his composure. "Hey Pans, you did have hair when you went in there right?"  
  
Pansy turned around with a smirk. "Yeah, it's still in the sink if you want to glue it." Pansy looked at the floor where there were several knuts and sickles glued. "Hey Harry, is it true you committed the perfect crime? The boy who lived to be infinitely great?"  
  
" Not entirely perfect," said Harry as he continued to shift around on the couch.  
  
Pansy adjusted her sweatshirt. As she pulled on one of the sleeves, Draco noticed a flash of a bandage on her wrist.  
  
'Dammit,' thought Draco, as he got up to follow her out to the store.  
  
" Potter, did you see that?" Harry just mumbled something as he tried to get comfortable with both legs dangling off the sides of the couch and his head shoved between the cushions.  
  
"Pansy! Hey!" Draco caught up to her. "Wait a minute," he said as he grabbed hold of her arm." What's with you today?"  
  
"Bad hair day," said Pansy with a shrug. She tried to pull her arm out of Draco's grip, but he was far stronger than her.  
  
"No Pans, I mean this," said Draco as he pulled up the arm of her sweatshirt to reveal a white bandage on her wrist. "What is this, huh? What happened?"  
  
Pansy pulled back her arm, anger seeping through every pore on her body, "You know, I went to rock 'n' roll heaven and I wasn't on the guest list. Now please move, I have to get to work." She gave a final yank and stormed off into the main part of the store.  
  
Draco ran after her and grabbed her arm and spun her around. "NO. Now you tell me what is going on. We have been through too much shit for you start pulling this bullshit on me now."  
  
"I decided I wanted to kill myself rather than meet Gilderoy Lockhart in pop-star form. Now, excuse me, I'm going."  
  
Draco tightened his grip. "No Pansy, listen to me. This isn't funny, I'm not joking. I'm not gonna let you go out there until you tell me what's going on!"  
  
Pansy struggled to get free from his grip. "Mind you own business Draco."  
  
As Pansy continued to struggle with Draco, Harry emerged carrying one of the couch cushions under his arm. He went up to Draco and pried him from Pansy. "Malfoy, she's fine. She's amazing."  
  
Pansy straightened herself up, "Thanks Potter." She walked out of the back offices and into the main store, careful to slam the door as loud as possible.  
  
Harry took Draco aside who was fuming. "Malfoy, she's in the store. She's gonna be ok."  
  
Draco shrugged Harry's hand off his shoulder. "What is with you today? Yesterday you were normal, today you're like Dumbledore on too many muggle sweets, spouting off all this philosophical jargon. What's with you today?"  
  
Harry leaned against the wall and examined his couch cushion. "What's with today, today?"  
  
"I dunno," said Draco, a bit taken aback by Harry's answer..or question. 


	10. Nutty Teens

First off, I would like to thank the following people:  
  
ILDERA, Evie-DuGrey,Ace,If I never Lost You, and Jadagirl12  
  
Your reviews make this first-time attempt of mine fabulous!  
  
*this chapter is for you guys*  
  
*~*Chapter 10: Just your typical nutty teenager*~*  
  
Hermione was straightening out the cash register when she saw a definite shocker coming towards her.  
  
"Oh wow.why'd you do that?" Hermione was staring at Pansy like she had tow heads.  
  
Pansy stepped up to the registers and began to count her money. "Just your typical nutty teenager from Hogwarts." She then pulled up the sleeve of her sweatshirt and brandished her bandaged wrist to Ginny and Hermione. "Before you guys hear all about it."  
  
Hermione stared even harder. "That's supposed to be a joke right?"  
  
"No," said Pansy as she finished counting. "You're the joke."  
  
Hermione felt tears well up in her eyes. After one last pleading look to Pansy to take it all back, she left towards the back room.  
  
Ginny, completely un-phased by Pansy's antics walked towards her. "Well, Sinead O' Rebellion," said Ginny, making reference to the witch turned crazy muggle. "Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior!"  
  
Pansy put her hand up to her chest in mock surprise. "That is SO clever. I swear to Merlin you get smarter the shorter your skirt get."  
  
"And you Pansy, get smarter the shorter you hair gets," said Ginny in retaliation. "So, it's probably a good thing that you went with that."  
  
Pansy ran her hand over her head. Her bald, bald head. "Yeah."  
  
Ginny finished up the work that Hermione had left. "It's a wonderful look for you darling," she said, sarcasm dripping from her lips like venom.  
  
"Thank you." Pansy proceeded to work the register, making it obvious to Ginny that her presence was not welcome.  
  
Ginny stood at the registers thinking of other clever quips to throw at Pansy when her thoughts were interrupted, rudely by the way, by a loud blaring wail coming from the speakers, which happened to be right by her head.  
  
*Meanwhile...*  
  
"Hey Sev," said Harry,"Sev? I have to go to the bathroom."  
  
Severus was in the office while Harry was pleading to relieve himself. "Yeah, I want to report a robbery," said Snape into the wizardphone. "No! I will not hold!"  
  
*Back at the store.*  
  
Ginny walked over to where the community wizard disc player was located. It was set up so that customers could listen to their music for short periods of time while they browsed the store.  
  
"Veto! Excuse me! Ow." Ginny walked through a crowd of wizards who were jumping up and down and pummeling each other to the loud music. "EXCUSE ME! Ow! VETO!!!!!!" Ginny grabbed her wand and shut off the infernal music.  
  
The crowd that had gathered stopped in mid-mosh, stared at Ginny as if she removed their lifeline, then quickly dispersed throughout the store after seeing her expression. Ron ran up to her.  
  
"Hey hey hey hey! What's up with that Ginny? Huh?"  
  
Ginny brushed her brother off with a wave. "You know it's too early. It makes the customers all crazy-like."  
  
Ron turned red (yes, like his hair) in frustration. "Ginny! That's the whole point!" Ron stomped off and ran into one of his Gryffindor pals. "Hey! Seamus!"  
  
Seamus looked a bit dazed (and confused). He recognized Ron after a few moments and clapped him on the back.  
  
"Hey fat cat. What's up? I heard your music playing when I got into Hogsmeade! That's some pretty scary stuff." Ron grinned. "Yeah, it was moshy."  
  
"Well," said Seamus, "I am glad to tell you that I made you a charmed wizard disc for educational purposes. Well, here's the deal,man. You start off with a little classical music, some of that weird sister's stuff, a little poky, a little puffy. And then you've got some Shags on there and the Resident's." Seamus began to spout off names of recent up and coming wizard/muggle bands. "Then, a bit of muggle fun, a little Floyd and Zeppelin."  
  
Ron took the disc, a perma-grin on his face. "Floyd's very cool."  
  
"That's not all Ron my man. Another very cool thing is, I made you these." Seamus pulled out a bag. Ron looked inside and saw several "special" pumpkin cakes. "Now, they're my special recipe and you know what that means-lots of 'sugar.' "  
  
Ron grabbed the bag and practically salivated into it.  
  
Seamus took hold of Ron's arm with a serious look on his face. "Now Ron, you gotta understand something here." HE held out the wizard disc that he made for Ron. "This music is the glue of the world. Ron-it holds it all together man. Without this, life would be meaningless."  
  
Ron, on the other hand, had stopped paying attention to Seamus' schpiel, and was concentrating hard on the pumpkin cakes. He looked up and saw that Seamus had stopped talking. HE pulled Seamus in the direction of the back room, perma grin gone, and serious face on.  
  
"Dude," said Ron," have you heard about Harry?" 


	11. WEGAS?

*I am trying to get out as many chapters before the weekend!!! *  
  
*~*Chapter 11: WEGAS!*~~  
  
Seamus practically ran over four customers on his way to the backroom. The door burst open in front of a still calm and collected Harry.  
  
"Hey Harry, I heard you like, went to Wegas (yep, wizard Las Vegas.clever!) and like married Narcissa Malfoy, and now you've got like a hit on you and stuff. Is that true?"  
  
"Not entirely true," said Harry, who was somewhat amused at how the story was turning out.  
  
"Oh," Seamus said, slightly disappointed." Well, you're an outlaw, man. We salute you."  
  
"Thank you Seamus."  
  
"No problem."  
  
Suddenly, Ginny's voice came over the speakers. "This song goes out to our employee of the week: HARRY POTTER!"  
  
"Oh Harry, it's like a tribute man!"  
  
*~* The best things in life are free  
  
But you can tell me 'bout the birds and bees.  
  
Now gimme money (that's what I want)  
  
That's what I want (that's what I want)  
  
That's what I want, ye-ye-yeh,  
  
That's what I want...  
  
Ginny started to sing along with the song. "Harry wants money...Lots of money..Sev's money..."  
  
The music began to die down as Severus walked into the backroom.  
  
Hermione ran up to him with a piece of parchment in her hand. "What the hell is this Severus?"  
  
Draco snatched the parchment from her and read it out loud. "Rules and standards for Magik Muzik Town employee conduct?"  
  
With a pile of parchments in his hand, Severus walked over to Seamus and asked him to put a piece of parchment in the employee boxes.  
  
"Magik Muzik town? " Draco was staring back and forth from the parchment to Severus. "We're not a magik muzik town!"  
  
"No." Snape said," we're not a magik muzik town.yet."  
  
Ron, who was munching on his pumpkin cakes looked up. "Snape, isn't Magik Muzik Town a chain?"  
  
Draco was still reading allowed from the rules and standards parchment. "No Bertie Botts candy consumption will be allowed in the store."  
  
Seamus looked up from the boxes, "Snape, you're turning us into a Magik Muzik Town?"  
  
"Why didn't you tell us?" Ron, as dismayed as he sounded, continued to eat his cakes.  
  
Snape sat down on a stool and sighed. "Because I was trying to stop it."  
  
Hermione went up to Snape and sat next to him. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Look," Snape said as he addressed the employees who had gathered in the back room, "I got together enough money to make Mitchell Fudge an offer. He was going to make me a partner. I could have bought him out eventually."  
  
"You were going to buy Empress?" Hermione sounded as if it was the most wonderful thing she had heard of.  
  
Ron ran up to Snape, "that's a good thing right?" Draco nodded in agreement. "That would be fantastic Sev." A chorus of "yeas" rang out.  
  
Snape literally jumped out of his stool, seething with anger. "You think that's going to happen now?! I have to pay for what Mr. Brilliant here," said Snape, pointing his wand at Harry," did. It's over kids, ok?"  
  
Harry shifted uncomfortably under Snape's wand, and everyone's gaze. "Mitchell Fudge is 'the man' Sev."  
  
Snape took back his wand and sighed again. "Yeah, and 'the man' calls all the shots."  
  
"DAMN THE MAN!" Harry stood up, fist in the air, couch cushion under one arm. "DAMN THE MAN!"  
  
"Let me explain to you," said Snape, gesturing for Harry to sit down." Mitchell's 'the man,' I'm the idiot, you're the screw-up, and we're all losers. Welcome to Magik Muzik Town."  
  
Severus walked into his office and slammed the door.  
  
*~* back in the store.*~*  
  
Ginny and Pansy stood at the cash registers reading the new rules of conduct for the store.  
  
"No visible tattoos." Pansy rolled her eyes, then looked lovingly at the tattoo of a bat on her shoulder.  
  
"No revealing clothing?" Ginny looked down at her short shirt and tight shirt.  
  
Pansy scanned the page. "We're both screwed.at least you're used to it."  
  
Ginny smirked. "Now Pansy, don't be bitter. Certainly with your collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages, and your brand new, neo- death eater, boot camp make-over, the boy's will come a running!"  
  
Pansy looked at her with a piercing glare, but softened up. "Let's not fight," she looked down at the parchment. "Let's just rip."  
  
Ron was prancing around the store while Ginny and Pansy ripped their parchments into shreds. Ron ran up to the registers, scooped up the pieces and threw them in the air. He ran up the stairs and slid down the banister, perma-grin plastered back on his face.  
  
"No, we mustn't dwell, no, not today. We can't..Not on GILDEROY LOCKHART Day!" 


	12. Video Killed the Radio Star

Thank you again to everyone who has reviewed in the past. I reloaded the story because the chapters were getting all wacky in their order...so I hope all my previous readers continue to read this! Again, please review! Oh, and I don't own ANY of these people.  
  
Just a hint.this is the part where Lockhart comes in!  
  
*Chapter 12: Gilderoy Lockhart Day..and McGonagall?!*  
  
*I heard you on the wireless back in Fifty Two  
  
Lying awake intent at tuning in on you.  
  
If I was young it didn't stop you coming through.  
  
Oh-a oh*  
  
The store started to get pretty crowded around mid-day. Various customers were browsing the musical selections, some were listening (or groping each other, much to Snape's dismay) in the listening booths, and the majority were beginning to line up to see Gilderoy Lockhart, in the flesh.  
*They took the credit for your second symphony.  
  
Rewritten by machine and new technology,  
  
and now I understand the problems you can see.  
  
Oh-a oh*  
  
Harry was getting mighty uncomfortable in the back of the store sitting for what seemed like days on the couch. He was on a mission... to do, well, something, and that something was not going to be accomplished sitting on the couch.  
  
He looked over to Snape who was sitting at his desk, head in his hands.  
  
"Hey Sev.? Is it ok if I leave the couch?" Harry got up carrying one of the couch cushions underneath his arm. He started to walk towards the entrance to the store. "Because," said Harry as he got closer and closer to the door, "I'm gonna leave the couch now, ok? My ass is falling asleep Sev! I gotta go! I'm leaving!"  
  
And with that, Harry bolted out the door into the store.  
  
*I met your children  
  
Oh-a oh  
  
What did you tell them?  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
Pictures came and broke your heart.  
  
Oh-a-a-a oh*  
  
Ron ran into Harry as he rounded the corner to finish setting up the tables for Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
"Well, at least you didn't leave the couch."  
  
"Not the whole couch."  
  
*And now we meet in an abandoned studio.  
  
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago.  
  
And you remember the jingles used to go.  
  
Oh-a oh  
  
You were the first one.  
  
Oh-a oh  
  
You were the last one.*  
  
Ron and Harry began walking around the masses of people who had gathered at Empress for the meet and greet with Lockhart.  
  
"Oh, I've decided to start a band."  
  
"Really?" Harry was at the moment scanning the store, taking in all the different wizards and witches who were surrounding him. Some were coming up and shaking his hand, others were busy organizing their Gilderoy collectibles that they wanted signed.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"The first thing you need is a name, and then you'll know what kind of band you've got."  
  
"Yeah, I know, I know. I was kinda thinking about 'Ronn.' What do you think of that?"  
  
"Is that with two 'n's '? "  
  
"Well,um, my name is," Ron looked down at his name tag." It has one 'n.' So I was thinking maybe my band could have two n's, so that way it's kinda like that psychedelic, you know, trip thing."  
  
"Always play with their minds Ron."  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far  
  
Oh-a-aho oh,  
  
Oh-a-aho oh  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far.  
  
Pictures came and broke your heart, put the blame on VTR.  
  
You are a radio star.  
  
You are a radio star.  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
Video killed the radio star.  
  
repeat  
  
Video killed the radio star. (You are a radio star.)  
Thanks for reading! Sorry so short! Next chapter coming up soon! 


	13. SHOPLIFTER!

Chapter 13: SHOPLIFTER! And Gilderoy Lockhart as well..  
  
Harry left Ron and began to wander around the store. He walked up the steps to the second level and began to scan the store for interesting people that he wanted to talk to. His gaze landed on a young boy who looked vaguely familiar. 'Probably a little brother of someone from Hogwarts,' thought Harry. Harry watched the young wizard go up and down several aisles. He also noticed that a lot of wizard discs were ending up inside the young boys robe. He went down the steps and began to follow the boy until he was right next to him.  
  
"Nice Selection."  
  
The boy looked up in a panic. "What?"  
  
Harry flipped through a few titles. "Can I help you with anything?"  
  
"No," said the boy rather quickly. "I'm alright thanks."  
  
The boy began to walk down the aisle. Harry followed him.  
  
"You like music?"  
  
The boy turned around and came face to face with Harry and his couch cushion.  
  
"Yeah, me too." Harry turned around to walk away. The boy let out a relieved breath when Harry suddenly turned around and leaned in close to the young boy's ear. "The fat man walks alone," Harry whispered to the extremely flustered boy.  
  
Harry took a step back and looked at the boy. The boy in turn just stared right back at Harry. "What? What are you? Some kind of weirdo?"  
  
Harry chuckled, then stopped and put on a serious face. "That's a big rode you're wearing, lots of pocket room."  
  
"Yeah." the boy turned to walk away. "See ya."  
  
"I'm sure i'll bump into you!!!"  
  
The boy took one last look, then broke out into a run through the store.  
  
Ron, who had witnessed most of the exchange between Harry and the boy, jumped up on the stairs and yelled, "SHOPLIFTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"  
  
Harry quickly broke into a run after the young criminal, weaving in and out of the aisles and dodging various people. It felt like he was playing a very odd game of "dodge the Bludgers," except instead of bludgers, he was dodging Gilderoy Lockhart fans and employees.  
  
Ginny and Pansy watched the display from the registers.  
  
Ginny giggled as the boy looked behind him to see Harry in hot pursuit.  
  
"Isn't it customary to leave the scene after committing the crime?"  
  
Pansy shrugged. "Definitely an amateur."  
  
Ginny thought this was too good an opportunity to pass up. She grabbed her wand and pointed it to the speakers.  
  
"Attention Gilderoy Lockhart fans! If you look to your left, you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager and the boy-who-lived, HARRY POTTER! This young man will be caught and deep-fried in a vat of former Professor Snape's hot oil potion and served to the first 100 wizards and witches. Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empress Records!"  
  
The customers watched the chase, a boy with robes far too big to be his, and the great Harry Potter, running after the boy with a couch cushion under his arm.  
  
"Oh , shit." The boy finally realized who was chasing him.  
  
*meanwhile.......*  
  
Gilderoy Lockhart pulled up to the back of the store in a horseless carriage. He looked at one of the many mirrors in his carriage and ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
"He cut it too short Minnie." Minerva McGonagall sat in the carriage directly across from Gilderoy. After the war, Minerva had been seriously hurt and had spent almost 4 months recovering from various wounds and broken bones, not to mention a curse that had left her bottom half in her animagus form. After she shed her cat bottom, she decided to stop teaching and lay back for a bit. She promptly found a job as an assistant, to Gilderoy Lockhart of all people. Minerva decided her life was too short and she was a damn good and efficient assistant.  
  
"No, it's fine, really. It's," Minerva took a deep breath and put on her perkiest smile. 'Just think Minerva, this is only temporary. Dumbledore said you could go back anytime, you're just living your life to the fullest. "Fabulous Gilderoy, it's fabulous."  
  
"Oh, God!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look at this place?"  
  
Gilderoy stepped out of the carriage and surveyed the back of Empress Records. The trashpile was overflowing, and there was a drunk house-elf who was passed out on the back steps.  
  
"Come on Gilderoy, no gig is too small, alright? Middle Wizarding Communities buy your wizard discs, now come on, we have got a lot of fans waiting." Minerva ushered Gilderoy towards the store. 'Merling help me,' thought Minerva. 'I have to stop being his bloody assistant and put my bun back on...' 


	14. WARREN

Ildera is my hero:-D Thanks for all the reviews!!!!  
  
Now on with the show..  
  
*~*Chapter 14: Enter Warren*~*  
  
Snape spoke as loud as possible so that everyone who was in the backroom would hear him.  
  
"Yeah, this is Severus Snape from the Empress Records store. We have a shoplifter in custody..uh-huh.Hey," said Snape to the boy who was scowling menacingly at Harry, and at the same leering at Ginny, "how old are you?"  
  
The boy sneered at Snape. " Old enough to curse you so that your skull and brains splatter on the wall."  
  
"Yeah," said Snape,"he's a juvenile."  
  
The boy sat there making faces at Ginny that were a bit too suggestive for Harry. "No," said Harry, hitting the boy on the head with his wand.  
  
"What's you name," asked Snape.  
  
"Warren Creevey."  
  
"Ok, WARREN, stand up. I want you to hold these against your chest," Snape handed Warren the wizard discs that he had stolen, " stand against the wall, they," pointing to Harry and Draco," are going to take a photograph of you."  
  
Warren took the wizard discs, then turned around sneering at Snape. "Why don't you shove them up your ass?" Warren waved the discs around.  
  
Harry grabbed a hold of Warren's arm and stopped him from continuing his display.  
  
"Because it would hurt a lot Warren."  
  
Snape pointed to the wall, then at Warren. "Wingardium Leviosa!" Warren floated to the wall. Snape banged him up against the wall a few times for good measure, then set him down. Warren flipped him off, obviously not caring that he was caught stealing and surrounded by wizard's who could turn him into a wizard disc if they wanted.  
  
Draco brought the camera over just as the door opened and Ginny stepped into the back room wearing nothing but an apron that read "Magik Muzik Town" across her chest.  
  
Ginny sashayed over to where the boys were standing, and where an obviously elated Warren was staring as hard as he could.......just in case the apron was a glamour, seeing as glamours never last that long.  
  
"And they," said Ginny running her finger across the logo on her chest, "said no revealing clothing, didn't they? I think Magik Muzik Town is actually torn on the revealing clothing issue." Ginny turned around, flashing a very bare backside. She turned back and winked at Hermione who was near death with laughter. " I think so."  
  
Hermione turned on some music and began dancing seductively with Ginny while chanting "Revealing clothing..." several times.  
  
Snape walked over to the radio and shut the music off. "Ginny...Ginny...Ginny........GINNY!"  
  
Ginny and Hermione stopped dancing and were face to face with a very red in the face Snape.  
  
"Ginny, will you please get dressed? Hermione, don't play anymore music in here right now, Draco, get up on the roof and fix that sign. AND NO MAGIC!"  
  
Ginny still thought it was funny to run around covered on by the apron. Warren thought it was pretty hilarious as well, Ginny pranced to one of the offices in the back room, swaying her hips. "Magik Muzik town...I can work for Magik muzik Town." Ginny made one last turn to the room full of viewers.  
  
Just then, the back door opened, and a very prissy, but less uptight McGonagall stepped in.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Ginny skipped over to a bewildered looking Minerva who was seeing her former student in nothing but an.....apron?  
  
"Hi! Welcome to Magik Muzik Town! May I service you?" Ginny winked at Minerva, obviously enjoying the reaction she was getting out of her former professor.  
  
Snape grabbed Ginny's arm and pushed her towards one of the offices. "Ginny, get dressed. Hermione- work."  
  
Minerva watched as her former students dispersed. She straightened out her skirt and attempted to smile.  
  
"Severus."  
  
"Minerva."  
  
"Me Severus, You Minerva." Warren chuckled at what he thought that was the funniest thing.  
  
Draco elbowed the boy. "Shut up."  
  
"Severus," Minerva ushered her boss into the backroom. "this is Gilderoy Lockhart." Minerva gave Snape a knowing look, and with that they shared a smile. Of course they knew who Lockhart was, everyone in the wizarding world knew, but unlike the rest of the world, Minerva, Severus, and most of the Empress employees had not forgotten what a slimy git he was.  
  
Snape nodded towards the pop star. "It's a pleasure to meet you. We all love the new album."  
  
Gilderoy was barely paying attention, for he was still fussing over his hair. "Oh, good for you."  
  
"What's he doing here?"  
  
Everyone turned to stare at the boy who was being guarded by Harry.  
  
"Just let me introduce you to everybody." Snape turned to face his employees who were still milling around. "Ginny, Hermione, Harry, Draco, and, er...Warren."  
  
Draco grabbed a hold of Warren's neck and squeezed. Warren managed to choke out a weak "Hi."  
  
"Hey..." murmured the rest of the group.  
  
Hermione stepped forward, star struck and blown away to be re-meeting her idol who was now in pop-star form.  
  
" I have all your discs!"  
  
"That's terrific," said Lockhart. He winked at her and Hermione almost swooned." It's Hermione, right?" Hermione nodded furiously. "Thank you," said the pop star who made Hermione's legs feel like she had a permanent jelly legs curse on them.  
  
Harry scowled a bit at the pop sensation. He remembered what a lying coward he was during Harry's second year.  
  
"Hey Lockhart, what happened to your hair?"  
  
Gilderoy turned red and ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
"Well, er, the stylist-if you could call him that," huffed Lockhart, " got a LITTLE carried away. Not a big deal, really."  
  
Lockhart flashed his winning smile, as if that comment did not hit him where it hurt a lot.  
  
Harry smirked, knowing he had hit a sensitive spot with the vain git. "It looks good."  
  
Minerva smiled gratefully at Harry. "See, he likes it, and he's Harry Potter!"  
  
Lockhart's smile faded at the mention of the boy's name. He was insanely jealous that a boy, a mere boy, could hold as much fame as he, all by defeating some creepy wizard with bad teeth. Hmph. As far as Lockhart was concerned, singing and looking fantastic was much better than being some kind of hero.  
  
"Great." Lockhart brushed off some lint off of his crushed velvet robes. "Let's go to work." 


	15. Gilderoy Lockhart is Such A Babe!

Ildera-feel better! I am pumping out this chapter so you have something to amuse yourself with(  
  
Geeseflysouthforthewinter-yes, I realize I made that "JOE" booboo. I watch the movie and look at the script while writing this and it's funny how easily I get caught up in the moment of the story. I concede. Thanks for reading!  
  
*~*Chapter 15: Gilderoy Lockhart is such a babe!*~*  
  
Draco smirked his trademark smirk as he pushed Warren against the wall. " Say Bobotubber pus!" Draco took the picture while Warren flicked off the camera.  
  
"That was fabulous Warren. Thank you."  
  
Draco grabbed the collar of Warren's shirt and brought him to the couch. "Sit."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Beyond the backroom, legions of Gilderoy Lockhart's fans were swarming the inside of Empress records. Witches (and some Wizards *wink!*) of all ages were lined up just to see the Wizarding World's hottest artist.  
  
Gilderoy stepped out of the red curtain that was charmed in front of the back room door. He stepped onto the small dais that was constructed and, with his hands on his hips, flashed a smile that caused several women in the audience to faint. Minerva was behind him and when she saw the smile, she saw that he looked extremely agitated.  
  
" Just smile Gil."  
  
Gilderoy shifted his pose and looked at the furniture on the dais. " I don't like the chair."  
  
Minerva was sick and tired of his diva behavior. She wanted to just transfigure him into a ball of lint, and then feed him to Hermione's cat.  
  
Between clenched teeth she spoke in a slow, harsh voice. "What do you mean, you don't like the chair?"  
  
"I don't like the chair."  
  
"What's wrong with the chair? Just sit in the chair."  
  
"I don't want to sit!"  
  
"Are you just going to stand there?!"  
  
Snape witnessed the whole spat between Lockhart and Minerva. He looked around him and sat an empty box. He quirkly transfigured it into a plush velvet chair to match the robes that Lockhart wore. He brought the chair up to the dais and placed it in front of the irritated popstar.  
  
"Here you go, Mr. Lockhart."  
  
"Thank you Several."  
  
Snape held back the urge to curse Lockhart back into the Chamber of Secrets. He just smiled the most syrupy sweet smile he could muster.  
  
Minerva sensed Snape's anger. "Thank you."  
  
Severus just nodded and stepped down from the dais. Gilderoy swept his cloak over the chair and sat down. Without even turning around, he motioned to Minerva to get him a quill. Minerva got one out of her bag and threw it on the table with a huff.  
  
Gilderoy ignored the murmured curses behind him and motioned for the first fan to come forward.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Hey," said Lockhart, who's voice was suddenly silky smooth. "What's your name?"  
  
The fan put her discs in front of Lockhart who was posed to sign them.  
  
"Angelica. A-N-G-E-L-I-C-A."  
  
"Ok." Gilderoy began to scribble on the items that Angelica had set before him.  
  
"You know, I have seen every episode of 'The Wizard Way' on the WIZ-SPAN."  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"And you were my favorite singer when I was at Hogwarts!"  
  
Gilderoy stopped scribbling and looked at the girl. "And who's your favorite singer now?"  
  
Angelica quickly grabbed her items off the desk. "You- - it's still you." The poor girl rushed out of Empress, devasteated that she had upset her favorite artist.  
  
"bye!" yelled Lockhart in a mocking voice. 'good riddance,' he thought.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Minerva had gotten tired of Lockhart ordering her around. She stepped off the dais and went back to the back room where there seemed to be an intense discussion among her former students, and one child she did not recognize.  
  
"There are so many babes out there. I gotta get Gilderoy some water," said Ron. He winked at Minerva, then smiled at Harry who knew exactly why he was running out to catch some of the spotlight. "I bet Gilderoy is very very thirsty.."  
  
Minerva stepped into the light and sat down in the chair Ron had vacated. "Make sure it's Gillywater."  
  
"Hey Ron." Harry sat up from his perma-slouch position on the couch.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Who's your favorite singer?"  
  
"Hmm....that wanna-be-muggle Axl."  
  
"Well, if Axl Rose was flying around Hogsmeade and saw Gilderoy Lockhart stranded in a tree, you think Axl would stop and help him?"  
  
"Does Axl have his wand?"  
  
At this point, Warren jumped up and started jumping around the room. "No way man! Axl would spin around in his broom, take aim, zoom down, and take that sucker out!"  
  
"Warren, warren! Where do you get this hostility from?" Harry gripped Warren's shoulders and sat him back down.  
  
Thanks for reading! This story is FAR from done.......many more chappies to come!  
  
Thank you again for allllll the fabulous reviews! 


	16. Aww kNUTS!

Once again, THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed (Ildera, glad you're feeling better!). I am so glad to see some new names reading this fic as well. It's been so much fun so far working on it. So, this chapter is for all you beautiful people out there who continue to give me feedback!!!  
  
*Kissy*  
  
P.S. I own nothing.  
  
~**~  
  
Warren was crouched down on the floor desperately trying to pry the knuts and sickles off the floor. Harry and Draco watched in amusement as the little shoplifter used his wand, his fingers, and at one point his teeth to try and get the growing collection of money off the floor.  
  
"Who stuck all this money down?"  
  
Draco smirked. "I did."  
  
"What the hell for, man?"  
  
"I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you Warren."  
  
Harry walked around to look at the wizard discs that Warren had taken. "Warren, look at what you took." Harry flipped through some of the discs with an amused smile on his face. "Muggle rap, metal, more muggle rap, more metal, and what's this? Witchy Houston?"  
  
"It's for my girlfriend, ok?" Warren blushed and looked away.  
  
"Sure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical?"  
  
"Maybe you bite me."  
  
Minerva watched the banter between Harry and Warren with an amused glint in her eyes.  
  
"Do any of you, er, like Gilderoy Lockhart's new record?"  
  
Warren looked at Minerva, and then burst out into fits of laughter. "hahahha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahah!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dance-party-wizard-teeny-bopper type of shit right?"  
  
Minerva looked a bit taken aback. She despised the man, but didn't want him to suffer too much. "I don't know," she said in retaliation. "Actually, it tested well among teenage males."  
  
"Minerva," said Harry," did you compare the percentage of teenage male Gilderoy Lockhart fans to the incidents of homosexuality among wizard teens?"  
  
This comment put Warren into another fit of hysterics.  
  
"No," replied Minerva rather weakly.  
  
Harry sat back down on the couch and smirked.  
  
~*~  
  
Gilderoy was still signing items as if his life depended on it. Actually, his career did, and he knew it. He didn't LIKE it, but he knew that middle wizarding communities ate up his records like pumpkin cakes.  
  
Gilderoy looked up from the stack of records and photos he was signing and came face to face with a young witch.  
  
"Who should I make it out to?"  
  
"Denise."  
  
"Denise," mumbled Gilderoy as he began to scribble on the stack of items in front of him. "I've always loved that name."  
  
"Thank you, but it's not mine, it's my mum's. She loves you, I've never heard of you."  
  
A low growl escaped from Gilderoy's lips. He stood up and leaned forward so that he was practically nose to nose with the young girl.  
  
"Tell me," said Lockhart in a low, menacing way," does your MUM still have her on teeth?"  
  
The young girl was not at all threatened by the singer; she just crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. "Cool hair," she said sarcastically. She grabbed her items off the table and walked out.  
  
Gilderoy sat down and ran his hand through his hair, silently cursing his stylist, and at the same time, hating himself for no longer appealing to the younger crowd. He sat up straight and motioned for the next fan to come forward.  
  
A woman stepped forward clouded in colorful robes. Ron, who was overseeing the whole operation, recognized her immediately as that dolty Professor Trelawney. She came up to the table, and to everyone's surprise, even Ron's, she began to sing in an opera voice........  
  
"Say no more, mon amour, Say no more, mon amour, say no more, MOOOOOOONNNN AMMMMOOUUUURRRRRR! SAAYYYYY NOOOOO MOOORREEEE....."  
  
Lockhart wanted to curse himself, and Ron just clapped.  
  
~*~  
  
In the backroom, Harry was busy staring off into space, occasionally smirking at no one in particular.  
  
The door opened and none other than Lee Jordan walked in. In the last few years at Hogwarts, Lee had started playing the muggle guitar and got into music. The most remarkable thing about him was that Pansy, hater of the world, was quite taken by Lee, and the two were frequently spotted together.  
  
"Jordan," said Harry. He continued to look at the ceiling with renewed interest.  
  
"Harry, I heard a story about you."  
  
"Really. Which one? And don't tell me it's the one where I fathered Narcissa Malfoy's child then gave it to Ol' Voldie in exchange for my freedom. That one is getting old, and it's ruining me a bit."  
  
"The one where you stole nine thousand galleons went to Atlantis City, and there's a contract out on you."  
  
Harry smiled at the accuracy and gave Lee a thumbs up.  
  
Lee looked around the room. "Has anyone seen Pansy today?"  
  
Draco looked up from his sketch book. "Yeah, we saw her. She shaved her head, both the muggle and magical way. And she has a bandage on her wrist."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Lee put his guitar down and surveyed the room. His gaze landed on a woman who was; well, too old to be working at Empress. She looked vaguely familiar. The long black hair streaked with gray....the spectacles....she looked so familiar to Lee.  
  
"Who're you?"  
  
Minerva smiled a bit. Her former students had some trouble recognizing her without the severe bun.  
  
"Mr. Jordan, surely you recognize you old transfigurations professor. It has only been about a year and a half."  
  
"Oh, hello Professor."  
  
"Minerva will be just fine Lee. I work for Gilderoy Lockhart."  
  
Lee almost lost it just hearing that. All he could get out was "Ohhhh............."  
  
Suddenly, after an extended period of silence, the entire group, save Minerva, burst into laughter.  
  
Minerva stood up and put on the sternest face she could muster at that moment.  
  
"You think that's funny, don't you?"  
  
The boys continued to laugh. Tears were streaking down Lee's face, and Warren was rolling around on the floor.  
  
Minerva began to collect her purse and straighten out her robes. "If you'll excuse me....." She began to weave her way through the laughing boys.  
  
Snape stepped out of his office and caught up to her.  
  
"You're quitting? You can't quit!"  
  
"Oh Severus, it's not them," shooting a glare at the boys who had collected themselves and numbed the laughter down to staggered giggles. "It's Gilderoy. You know, I don't even like his music!"  
  
"Come on Minerva, you've got to stay."  
  
"I need a change of scenery." Minerva turned her heel and opened the door to the back entrance.  
  
"Minerva, come on, you can't do it to the---" the back door shut in his face as Minerva walked out. Severus stomped off to his office and slammed the door.  
  
"I can't believe it, she quit."  
  
Snape went over to his wizard disc player and entered a loud head-banging song.  
  
He grabbed drumsticks, walked over to the muggle drum set he purchased and started banging the drums along with the song.  
  
~*~  
  
The whole staff heard the music throughout the store. They knew Snape was pissed about something.  
  
Hermione and Ginny were working at the registers (Pansy decided to take inventory) when they saw Mitchell Fudge burst through the doors.  
  
Mitch looked up at the two girls who were singing and dancing along to the music. Mitch pulled out his wand. "Petrificus Totalus!"  
  
The two girls were frozen in mid-dance. Mitch went up to them and smirked. "Excuse me, LADIES, there should be more selling, THANK YOU!" Mitch walked away, then turned around to mutter "finite incantantum!"  
  
Hermione had to literally hold Ginny back once the curse was lifted. Ginny grabbed her wand and pointed to the speakers. "GUESS WHO'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Mitch ignored the girl and walked up to Gilderoy. "How are you? I'm Mitchell Fudge-I own this place."  
  
Gilderoy looked up to the smiling man. "Oh, good to meet you." Lockhart shook Fudge's hand, then sat down to resume his signing duties. "You have a nice a store."  
  
"Oh, nice of you to say. I'll tell you though, you should have seen it originally: Fudge's Bath and Bidet, wizard bathroom emporium. My great- grandfather started it. It was my muggle-obssessed mother who turned it into a record store after she went to one in London. I tell you, if I was selling wizard toilets today, I'd be richer than my father, and he's the minister of magic!  
  
Mitch continued to talk about the wonders of magical bathrooms when Snape walked into the store.  
  
"Severus, what's the matter with you?" 'Great,' though Snape. I see this bastard for the first time today and he's already down my throat with useless crap.  
  
"Severus, you're sweating like a pig."  
  
"Well, it's nice to see you too Mitch."  
  
"Snape, come on." Mitch brought him towards the table where Gilderoy was still signing autographs. "Is this how we treat Mr. Lockhart? Where's the fresh fruit? The Silver Label Butterbeer?"  
  
Gilderoy was ecstatic. Silver Label! That was not cheap stuff. But this was not the place to act like a pig. Lockhart smiled almost solemnly and humbly replied, "No, no, that's not necessary. But thank you."  
  
Mitch waved his humble words off. "No no, please. Severus, he's a BIG STAR." It was obvious that Mitchell wanted Gilderoy to leave the store in awe.  
  
Snape muttered a string of obscenities under his breath. "Yup," he said with a great big plastic smile on," big, huge star! Big big big!"  
  
"So let's get him something SEVERUS."  
  
"Sure, sure."  
  
"Ok, Mr. Lockhart, we'll be back shortly. Please let us know if there is anything else you'll need."  
  
And with that, Mitch and Snape walked to the back. Severus lagged behind, knowing that once he was in the backroom with Mitch and no money, he was a dead wizard. 


	17. Vanilla Ice Cream

This is a serious chapter. Pansy gets weepy and serious, but it's all leading up to all the good things in life.........................  
  
*Kissy*  
  
~*~  
  
Snape and Mitch walked into the backroom where a few of the employees were straggling around. Harry had resumed his position his position on the couch observing the people around them.  
  
Mitch followed Severus to his office. Harry watched him sweat.  
  
"Sev, I'm going to Gringotts so why don't you give me last night's deposit. I wanna make sure it gets there this time."  
  
"Iiiiitttt's ok," Snape stumbled a bit walking into his office. 'Shit,' he thought. "I'll take care of it!"  
  
Mitch looked at him curiously, but dismissed Snape's enthusiasm. "No, no, you're a busy man, let me."  
  
"I said I'll handle it."  
  
Harry sensed Snape's fear and apprehension. He got up from the couch and grabbed Warren by his collar. He literally dragged the boy across the room. He got right in front of Mitchell Fudge and smiled.  
  
"Mitchell, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch. Have you met Warren?"  
  
Mitch looked at the young boy and shook his head. "Who're you?" he said looking at Harry.  
  
Harry promptly lifted up his hair and showed off his scar. Mitchell's smirk disappeared once he realized who he was being so curt to.  
  
"Harry, I work here." Harry looked behind Mitch to Snape and looked at him. He motioned him with a free hand that was not in Mitch's view to the money sacks, then he pointed to the back entrance.  
  
Now, while Harry was busy talking up Mitchell Fudge, Snape took that opportunity to fill up money sacks with various pebbles and stones that lined the back of the store.....  
  
"Like I was saying, MITCH, have you met Warren? Because I, I wanted to talk to you about Warren."  
  
Mitch looked a bit confused, but he was very much in shock that he had been rude to the boy-who-saved-his-dad's-ass-and-the-rest-of-the-world, that he just stood there.  
  
"You see, young Warren came into the store today and put on a little demonstration for all the store employees. Very motivational. It was inspiring actually. And gosh, he made quite an impression on everyone!"  
  
"Im intrigued, I'm spellbound Mr. Potter."  
  
Snape came in the back entrance and thrust several heavy money sacks into Fudge's hands.  
  
Mitch looked at the bags and smiled. He patted Snape on the back and did a lightening spell on the heavy sacks. "Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Thank you."  
  
Mitch turned his back, which gave Warren the opportunity to flick Mitch off.  
  
Harry slapped Warren's hand. "Stop that." He dragged the klepto-kid back to the couch and went back to staring off into space.  
  
~*~  
  
Lee had been looking for Pansy since he got to the store. He found her towards the back doing some inventory.  
  
He came up behind her and gave her a little shove. She turned around and her face darkened.  
  
"I like your hair....um........Are you ok?"  
  
"Why do you care? You dind;t care last night."  
  
Pansy stood there staring at Lee with tears in her eyes. Last night they went on one of their usually walks around the castle. A few sixth years began to follow them and taunt Pansy. One girl who had at one point worshipped Pansy and her trendy clothes, now made fun of the fact that all Pansy wore were punk-rock shirts, had multiple piercings, and several tattoos. She went from being the most popular girl at Hogwarts, then her popularity dwindled down to just her house.  
  
The girl shoved Pansy against a wall and literally spat in her face and called her poor little death-eater. And then went on to say it was a pity that Harry Potter spared her life, because the rest of the school wouldn't have minded her dead, and that she was no longer the most wanted girl, that title was given to Hermione Granger.  
  
The whole time, Lee just stood there. The girls left and said good bye to him as he never witnesses anything. He tried to comfort Pansy, but he had stepped in too late.  
  
Lee looked at her and walked up to face here. "Yes I did."  
  
"Look, this," said Pansy, brandishing her wrist," isn't about you, ok? I got back to my dorm last night and I thought about everything that had happened. And then I thought about everything that had happened the night before that and the week before that, and the year before that. And, er, the only thing tha was different was that there was something else that was making me feel shitty."  
  
"I'm trying to say I'm sorry Pans."  
  
I just said this wasn't about you." Pansy slumped up against a wall and slid down till she was a crying crumpled heap on the floor. She looked up at Lee. "Look, you dind;t do anything wrong-I'm screwed up ok? Last night, Cameron was right, she was right. I was used to her getting to me like that, you had no idea she did this and that was the first time you witnessed it. Look, she's right, I really don't deserve anything good because I never gave anything good back."  
  
Lee sat down next to her and lifted her chin so she was looking right at him, "We're all screwed up."  
  
Pansy jumped up and picked up her quill and parchment. "Don't touch me right now. I just want you to get up and I want you to walk away."  
  
And he did.  
  
~*~  
  
Up on the roof, Draco was pacing back a forth. He HAD to tell Hermione how he felt about her TODAY.  
  
'Hermione, I've gotta tell you something. It's about how I feel about you. I....I, er, I really, really, really....oh merlin. You know that feeling you get when you get out of a hot bath and you just feel really refreshed and nice? Well, you make me feel like- -you make me feel like a bath? Ugh, no, no, that sounds bloody awful! OK, you're like, vanilla ice cream- - French vanilla ice cream- - yeah.........' 


	18. Rock and Roll

Ildera: This chapter is for you. Look at it as a CONGRATULATIONS present ok?:-) Also, I can assure you that your fears about Snape and Minerva will be answered......SOON!  
  
Thanks also to everyone who has read and reviewed!!!!  
  
Much love, *Kissy*  
  
~*~  
  
The backroom was filled with Junior-Deputy Wizard Police. In the middle of the room was a red-faced Warren.  
  
"This is bullshit, man!"  
  
Harry shook his finger at Warren, "the long arm of the law has embraced our dear friend Warren."  
  
Snape walked up to the wiz-cops. "I'm Severus Snape the manager. Is everything ok?"  
  
Warren threw his arms up, "This is such bullshit, man."  
  
"We've got everything under control, sir."  
  
Warren ran up to Snape and latched onto his lower leg. " Hey, Sev, Sev!" Warren turned Snape around and pointed towards Harry. "Tell them what he did!"  
  
"Do you need a statement from me?" Snape shook Warren off his leg and walked towards the wiz-cops.  
  
"No, we already got one from Mr. Potter."  
  
"Oh, oh, Mr. Potter over there took nine THOUSAND galleons and I just took a couple of CD's!"  
  
The wiz-cops just stared incredulously at the terrified boy. "That is enough," said one of the cops.  
  
At this point, Warren was at his wits end. He absolutely could not get in trouble. His father would surely have his head for this. Petty theft in the wizarding world meant one-year suspension of magic in the classroom, which meant he would FAIL his fifth year, as well as community service to be served out throughout the year, and NO HOGSMEADE WEEKENDS at all!  
  
Warren ran up to Harry. " Come on, Harry, I thought you were my friend! You know my cousins Dennis and Colin! They love you! They would hate it if YOU were the one who got me in trouble!"  
  
"Take care of yourself Warren," said Harry as he resumed his position on the couch. "Don't let the man get you down."  
  
Snape waved jauntily at the severely pissed off boy who was at that moment being brought towards a port-key to take him to get processed and sentenced at the Juvenille Wizards Department of Felony and Petty Crimes.  
  
" I don't want to see you back in the store Warren!"  
  
Warren sulked and let himself be led to the port key. "I'm the victim here!" he pleaded with the wiz-cops, who were not the least bit interested in what he had to say.  
  
Draco came in the backroom just as Warren was about to touch the key.  
  
"Bye Warren!"  
  
Just before he touched the port-key he turned around and glared at everyone in the backroom.  
  
"I'm going to get you, I'm not playing this time. I'll be back and you'll be sorry! You're gonna pay for this...!"  
  
And with a pop, he was gone.  
  
"Woooooo!" Harry put on a scared face.  
  
Draco laughed and pointed to Smape. "You'll be sorry!" he said, imitating Warren.  
  
Snape just shook his head. "I'm already sorry."  
  
~*~  
  
Snape walked out of the back room to survey the store. He walked my the music listening booths and checked each one for any acts of debauchery. In the last one he found Pansy on the floor of the booth going over some paper work.  
  
He opened the door and rapped a little on the side to get Pansy's attention.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Hey, im just finishing up some inventory figures. I'm almost done."  
  
"Look, Pansy, erm...if you need to talk about anything...I mean, im not Dumbledore , I have no philosophical crap to throw at you, but...."  
  
Pansy looked up at Snape and smirked.  
  
"You gonna fix me Sev? Ok, fix me, I'll listen."  
  
Snape shifted a bit. He truly cared about his employees even though he acted like a pompous ass towards them.  
  
"Well, I didn't mean that- - I mean, should I owl your mother or something?"  
  
"Great," said Pansy, a touch of pain and sadness in her voice. "You know, if you find her could you let her know that despite the fact that her side LOST, I'm trying to keep up appearances for her, and it would be nice to talk to her myself."  
  
Snape was taken aback by the sudden outburst. He looked at Pansy who herself seemed surprise at all the anger that could come out in one sentence. She looked up at Snape and instantly regretted snapping at him. She knew he was trying his best to make her feel welcome in the store and in the new way the wizarding world was running.  
  
"I'm sorry, I know you didn't mean anything."  
  
"You're doing a great job Pansy."  
  
Snape smiled, then shut the door to the booth leaving Pansy alone with her thoughts.  
  
'I feel a lot better,' thought Pansy, and she got back to the parchment and the inventory.  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione straightened out her skirt and added a little lip gloss on her lips. She looked in the mirror and began to smooth down any unruliness her hair decided to unleash at that moment.  
  
Her reflection smiled back at her, "you look lovely, dear."  
  
"Thanks, I sure hope I look ravishing as well."  
  
Hermione walked towards Snape's office and knocked lightly on the door before opening it.  
  
She peeked in and saw Snape sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. She opened the door and walked towards him. Snape looked up and saw Hermioned walking towards him with her patented please-let-me look in her eyes.  
  
Hermione got up to the desk and stood up straight and looked Snape right in the eye. "Sev, you're the best boss in the world, Can I bring Gilderoy his lunch?"  
  
Snape just looked at her, then back to the parchment he was staring at. "Jordan is bringing him his lunch."  
  
Determined not to miss the opportunity, Hermione leaned forward, "er, Sev, you that Lee's going to insult him right to his face--- I don't think that's such a good idea."  
  
"Look, I don't care if Lee sticks a canary crème up his butt, In fact, I hope he sticks one up mine- - it might be an improvement."  
  
"Snape, I have to bring Gilderoy his lunch."  
  
"Lee is."  
  
Hermione stood still for a moment then slammed both her fists on top of Snape's desk, rattling the items that were on it.  
  
"I'M BRINING GILDEROY HIS LUNCH!"  
  
For a moment, Snape could swear Hermione was going to jump out of her skin.  
  
"Alright."  
  
Hermione smiled sweetly. "Thanks Sev. Thanks a lot!"  
  
And with that, she walked back out to the back room.  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione set up on of the offices in the backroom like a small dining room. She summoned the finest silverware in the building, as well as a nice tablecloth. She put heating charms on the food that was delivered earlier, and she set up the table as if it was a table at a five-star hotel. Heaps of pumpkin cakes and vegetables loaded the table. A serving of filet mignon on a bed of polenta looked magnificent. A carafe of butterbeer was at the head of the table, as well as a silver chalice that gleamed.  
  
Hermione smiled at the display. She knew that Gilderoy would be pleased with it. Hopefully, if all went well, he would be pleased with her.  
  
Just as Hermione was adding some final touches to the room, such as a charmed ceiling with stars and soft music in the background, Ron and Gilderoy entered.  
  
Ron surveyed the feast and smiled. "Wow, all the food groups, Hermione."  
  
Hermione pushed Ron out of the room before he had a chance to reach over and pick up a pumpkin cake. "BYE RON!"  
  
She shut the door and smiled at Gilderoy who himself was surveying the room with some interest.  
  
"Well," said Gilderoy as he sat down," this looks very elegant. Well, talking to all those women can make you work up an appetite!"  
  
Hermione leaned over the table and in her most seductive voice, "I bet it does."  
  
Lockhart looked at the young girl in awe and amusement, not quite sure what her game was.  
  
"I'm quite alright, thank you. I think I've got everything, I'm all set."  
  
"So am I." Hermione sat down on a ledge in the room, carefully crossing her legs slowly.  
  
"I can't help notice you sitting there, staring at me."  
  
"I was just thinking about how I used to imagine marrying you when you were on 'The Family Way.' " Hermione sighed at the memory.  
  
Lockhart chuckled and pushed his chair back. " Marrying me? You must have been but a bay back then," he said with a wink.  
  
Hermione nearly swooned when he winked at her. She got off the ledge and walked slowly towards him.  
  
"I'm not a baby anymore." And with that, Hermione took off her top and let it drop to the floor.  
  
Lockhart just stared at the young girl who was literally heaving in front of him.  
  
"You're a sweet girl."  
  
"I'm not as sweet as you think," said Hermione as she unzipped her skirt and let that fall to the floor with her top.  
  
Now Hermione, the virginal prize of Hogwarts, stood in front of Gilderoy Lockhart offering herself. A million logical thoughts ran through her mind, yet she blocked them all out, and focused on the task at hand- -giving herself to the man she had dreamed of since her second year at Hogwarts.  
  
"How old are you," said Lockhart, getting up and making his way slowly towards the practically naked Hermione.  
  
"Old Enough."  
  
He edged closer and closer and walked around her like an animal surverying its prey. He was so close she could feel his breath on the back of her neck when he spoke.  
  
"Are you sure you wanna do this?"  
  
"Yeah, definitely."  
  
And with that proclamation Lockhart zipped in front of Hermione and unzipped his pants. "Rock and roll!"  
  
Hermione stared at her idol, then looked down at her discarded clothes. All logic came crashing down on her like a million bludgers to the head. She grabbed her clothes and dashed out, leaving Lockhart in the middle of the room with his fly down. 


	19. Up on the roofand in Lockhart's pants

Chapter 19: Up on the roof..and back in the store  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione ran as fast as she could to the roof of Empress Records. She struggled as she put her top on as she ran up several flights of stairs. She reached the top and managed to get her skirt on and began to zip it as she crashed through the door and came face to face with Draco who was repairing parts of the roof at Snape's request.  
  
Draco looked at Hermione in her disheveled state and immediately wanted to take her in his arms and well, help her get dressed. Hermione stood there, staring at Draco with a tear-stained face, and zipped up her skirt and smoothed it down before she marched towards him.  
  
"Go away."  
  
Draco tried to take hold of her shoulders, but she shrugged off his touch.  
  
"Hermione..."  
  
Hermione turned around and looked at Draco. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Fixing the sign," said Draco pointing to a tilting 'Empress Records' sign. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Taking a break." Hermione sat down on the steps by the door and slumped against the wall.  
  
"Wow," said Draco. He made his way towards her and sat down next to her, "it's really weird that you just came up here. Look, 'Mione, I really have to tell you something."  
  
"Oh Draco, not now please!"  
  
"No, it has to be now," said Draco kneeling in front of Hermione, trying desperately to get her to look at him.  
  
"Please Draco, NOT NOW."  
  
Draco shook his head and took Hermione's hands into his. Hermione looked at him with confusion and anger, but Draco held on tight.  
  
"No, no it has to be now. Listen. You remember that really horrible day that Weasley set off the store dark magic detectors by saying the wrong words in his 'moshing enhancement' spell, and, and Ginny got dumped by that Neville kid and cried all day, and I drew a picture of him and Harry found his invisibility cloak so we could trick him that evening and you wore that skirt that I hate? Do you remember that day?"  
  
Hermione stared at Draco. He was talking so fast, which was so unlike him. He was always so articulate, and calm, and.....  
  
"What skirt?"  
  
'The, the one with the flowers."  
  
"The blue skirt?" Hermione stared in disbelief. That was her favorite skirt! Her mother and she bought that at Harrods, it had cost her a fortune, how dare he..  
  
"Yeah, the blue one."  
  
"You- - "  
  
"Yeah, I hate hate that skirt." Draco saw the look of contempt in Hermione's face. 'Blast, she probably loves that bloody skirt! Control Draco, you can do this,' "But it's good that I hate the skirt, Hermione, 'cos that, listen, that, listen to me, that skirt made me realize that, I mean, if I can, I can love her in the skirt then this must really be it. Hermione, I love you."  
  
Draco took a deep breath and looked at Hermione. It seemed like ages before either one spoke. After an eternity of silence, Hermione jumped out and stared down at Draco.  
  
"What?"  
  
Draco stood up and grinned. 'She has to love me back, she has to! I mean, everyone loves me, even more so now that im less of a pompous jackass! She's the queen of nice; she has to have some spark in her after that, well, speech.'  
  
"Hermione, I am in love with you."  
  
Hermione shook her head and started pacing on the roof, just as Draco had earlier that day.  
  
"Oh wow." She saw Draco coming towards her and she held out her arms to prevent him from walking any closer to her.  
  
"Please not now, please Draco. Please don't do this right now." She looked at Draco and saw his face turn pale. "I'm sorry, but I can't handle this right now."  
  
Draco ran his hand through his hair and cast an angry look at Hermione. "What are you telling me? That you can handle it some other time? Is that it?"  
  
Hermione began to sob, partly at the tone of Draco's voice, and because of the emotional roller coaster she had just experienced within minutes of each other.  
  
"Look, I just threw myself at Gilderoy Lockhart, ok? I made a total fool out of myself, I mean, and I really don't.."  
  
Draco stared at Hermione, mouth agape. 'That explains the zipping up of the skirt. DAMMIT! Fucking Lockhart."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"Yes, and, and I'm not ready for, "Hermione gestured towards herself and Draco,"for this, ok? And I, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry..I'm sorry, I just want to be alone, ok?"  
  
Draco looked at the girl he loved who was now on the ground sobbing.  
  
"Yeah, ok, just forget I said anything alright. Just forget- -I didn't say anything, nothing happened."  
  
By the time Hermione looked up, Draco was gone.  
  
~*~  
  
Draco made his way to the studio that Snape had set up for him. He got out some paints and stretched out canvas. He looked at the wizard clock and saw that he still had some time before he was due out in the store.  
  
Draco stared at the blank canvas, and then he started to paint.  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione finally composed herself and grabbed Ginny to go on their lunch break at the Three Broomsticks.  
  
Ginny and Hermione finally settled on a small cozy table on the outdoor deck.  
  
Hermione looked devastated, and Ginny reached over and held her hand. "Forget Lockhart, we'll get you another guy!" Ginny then reached under her sweater and when her hand emerged she had a bright red bra in it. She handed it to Hermione and smiled.  
  
Hermione stared at it as it if was a live animal waiting to pounce. She placed it on the table and began to sob.  
  
"I don't want another guy," Hermione said between small sobs, "I'm not like you! I don't need another guy. Why do you always try and make me like you?"  
  
Ginny was taken aback by Hermione's sudden outburst. The Weasley temper flared up.  
  
"What do you mean 'like' me?"  
  
"I'm not like you with guys. I don't need to do what you do all the time."  
  
"Humph. Oh, ok, I see. Not like me the turbo-slut, is that what you mean?" Ginny stood up and leaned forward and stared directly at Hermione." What are you saying? That I have to do every guy that I see?"  
  
Hermione looked at the angry girl in front of her, and the day's events offered no sympathy, but equal anger. "Well, you certainly seem to enjoy it."  
  
"Huh," Ginny sat back down and leaned back, smirking." Well, what'd you do, huh, 'Mione? Did you go over to Lockhart and did you act all perfect and better than everybody? You think guys like you for that?"  
  
"They may not like it, but at least they don't do it with me and then go off and laugh!"  
  
"Miss Self-Righteous!" Ginny grabbed her purse and stormed off. Hermione could not believe her bad luck! First Lockhart, then Draco, now Ginny!  
  
Just then, Seamus walked up to Hermione, apparently witnessing the whole ordeal. He came up with her food, and sat down across from her.  
  
"Hey," said Seamus, attempting to make conversation," is Lockhart in yet? Cos if he is, you have got to show him my wizard disc? It's so great..."  
  
"Seamus, please!" With a huff Hermione got up and left a bewildered Seamus sitting at the table, wondering what he had said. Then he looked over to where she was sitting and saw a bright red.......bra?  
  
"Hermione!" Seamus ran out to the street hoping to catch her, waving the bra in the air. " Hey! You forgot your.....thingy!"  
  
~*~  
  
Ginny, after she had left the Three Broomsticks, rushed back to the store and found Gilderoy Lockhart in the room where Hermione had left him.  
  
She began chatting with him as she shut the door behind her.  
  
"So, want to know a trick of mine?"  
  
Lockhart was in a daze. This was the second chick today who worked her who had that 'hungry' look in her eyes, except this one didn't seem the type to run away.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I know what kind and what color underpants you're wearing."  
  
"Really, how? Are you a seer?"  
  
"Nope, I dunno, it's just something I've always been able to do. I can tell you what color and what kind."  
  
Lockhart leaned back against the table and smiled. "Huh, alright, what am I wearing now?"  
  
Ginny looked at him and returned his lascivious smile. "Muggle jockeys, navy blue. Am I right?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Ginny smiled and sauntered towards Lockhart, then pushed him on top of the table where he was leaning.  
  
"Well, why don't you check it out, and you let me know?"  
  
Ginny got off Lockhart and walked into an adjoining office. Gilderoy followed like an obedient puppy, carefully shutting the door behind them. Ginny shut the other door that opened into the backroom and brought out her wand.  
  
"Lumos."  
  
Gilderoy turned towards Ginny, "Now, the ultimate question."  
  
Ginny smiled and began to undo his pants...... 


	20. perfect

*Whew!* That last chapter was a little hard to write because it involved a lot, well, more serious stuff. Well, I'm down to the last few scenes, please review!  
  
P.S. What about a 'When Harry Met Sally' deal, except with Draco and Hermione? I mean, in the movie, Harry and Sally, well, didn't exactly like each other all too much....let me know.  
  
*Kissy*  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione got back to the store after her spat with Ginny feeling completely ripped apart. She walked into the back room and saw a light coming from one of the rooms. She opened it and saw Draco painting what looked like a Empress Records staff.  
  
She walked into the room and stood next to him as he painted.  
  
"Hi. That's really nice."  
  
"Don't," said Draco, who never took his eyes away from the canvas.  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
Draco dropped his brush and faced Hermione. "Pretend like nothing happened. Just don't."  
  
"Draco, when you told me that before I just, freaked because I don't think of you like that. I mean, you've become one of my best friends this past year and half.....I think we have something better than that."  
  
"Better?" Draco began to put his paints away. He turned to look at Hermione before he left, "That's bullshit. You know that's bullshit."  
  
Hermione was left in the studio alone with her thoughts. As soon as the door slammed shut, she took out a small container and took out a small pill, conjured up some water, and took it. Instantly she felt ten times better, and she walked out of the room.  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione walked out into the store to find Pansy making buttons, similar to the ones that were made during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Pansy saw Hermione approaching and handed her one.  
  
"One for the Queen of Hogwarts." Hermione looked at the button apprehensively, and Pansy thrust it into her hand. "It's ok, I didn't spit on it."  
  
Hermione looked at hers. "Dishonestly? What's that suppose to mean?"  
  
Pansy ignored her and tossed one to Ron who was lingering near the girls. "And one for the man with the band."  
  
Ron took his, "Oh, ha ha. 'Ron Sucks.' Yeah."  
  
Pansy smiled, and saw Draco walk into the store. "Hey Draco! I made you a button!" Pansy held his up that read 'Stupid.'  
  
Draco smirked at the button and walked towards Pansy. "Pansy, you're just in time."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Please," said Draco, holding up his wand. "Surprise."  
  
With a flick of his wrist, Gilderoy Lockhart's latest hit came on over the speakers.  
  
Pansy put both her hands over her ears. "Veto, veto, veto. I'm NOT listening to it!"  
  
Draco grabbed Pansy and brought her towards him. "No, we're dancing to it."  
  
Hermione looked on at the display Draco was putting on in the middle of the store. She was irritated that he didn't even acknowledge her.  
  
Pansy struggled to get out of Draco's grasp. "I'm not gonna dance to Gilderoy Lockhart. I'm not dancing."  
  
Draco let go of Pansy and got up on the counter and struck a pose lying on his side.  
  
"Why not?" Draco grinned and in a fake voice declared, "I'm Gilderoy Lockhart, I'm so sexy!"  
  
"No," said Pansy, "you're stupid. Stupid!"  
  
"No, I'm sexy." He pulled Pansy towards him and leered at her. Hermione continued to watch in anger.  
  
Suddenly, Draco was spinning Pansy around the store. Several customers had started to dance as well.  
  
Meanwhile, Ginny and Gilderoy were doing their own dance in one of the office rooms.  
  
~*~  
  
Snape heard the music from outside and burst into the store. At the top of his lungs, Severus began to scream at the whole store.  
  
"You all having fun? I hope so." Some people stopped dancing, which seemed to incense Snape even more. "Don't let me stop you, keep dancing! But you better do it now because by nesxt week this is going to be a Magik Muzik Town and I DON"T THINK THEY ALLOW DANCING IN MAGIK MUZIK TOWN!"  
  
Snape huffed, and turned around to face Harry, who was holding one of the couch cushions in his arm.  
  
"What are we suppose to do instead Snape?"  
  
Snape began to laugh and dragged Harry to the middle of the store.  
  
"What am I suppose to do with this guy, huh? Turn him into the wiz-cops, send the boy-who-lived-to-piss-me-off to jail? Who do you think he's going to come to when he wants to get out of there? Me, right? Me. What should I do? Put in my own money? And then I'm screwed."  
  
Harry looked at Severus, sincerity all over his face, "Don't worry Sev, you're a superb manager."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Superb," replied Harry.  
  
"Keep it up Harry."  
  
"Superb."  
  
"Say it again."  
  
"Superb."  
  
Snape's face became red with anger, " You little shit."  
  
"Ouch, Sev! That's my shoulder!"  
  
Severus dragged Harry across the store and to the back room. The rest of the staff, except Hermione followed.  
  
~*~  
  
Seversu dragged Harry to his office. "Get in there."  
  
"Sev? Sev. Sev. Sev,no, don't!" Snape began throwing various objects at Harry. He picked Harry up and threw him against a wall. He took out his wand and pointed it between Harry's eyes. Harry's arm was trapped between a file cabinet and Snape was stepping on his other hand. Harry looked at Snape, then at the wand. "No Sev, don't do it, don't do it.."  
  
In one swift flick of his wrist, Snape threw Harry out of the office and he landed with a 'thump!' on the ground. The staff looked at Harry disdainfully, then at Severus who ahd come back out of his office.  
  
"You derserved that, you know it, right?"  
  
"I know it," said Harry, who was rubbing his hand that Snape had stepped on.  
  
Snape looked around at the staff in the room. "Where's Lockhart?"  
  
Harry looked up as well, "I've got a better questions for you, where's Ginny?"  
  
Suddenly, laughter came from one of the offices.  
  
Everyone looked around as if they never heard it and began to scatter around the room "looking" for the two missing people.  
  
"I'll look upstairs!" yelled Draco  
  
Pansy sprinted towards another part of the room, "I'll check the bathroom."  
  
"I'll check the storage room," yelled Lee.  
  
Harry propped himself up, "I'll check the couch!"  
  
Everyone scrambled around, trying to look busy when Seamus came in.  
  
"Hey, Hey, how's it going Sev? I'm sorry I'm late, I brought some food just in case anyone got hungry. So what's up man? Why are you guys looking, er, so glum? Where's Sexy Gildy?"  
  
Pansy snorted, "It's kinda funny that you put it that way....."  
  
"What?" Seamus searched the room, but found no answers.  
  
Just then, Hermione came in with her cash box and went to Snape. "Sev, can I count out now? I'm not feeling so good."  
  
She walked towards one of the offices and tried to open the door. It was locked. She turned around and saw a strange look on everyone's faces. "Why's the door locked?" She surveyed all the people in the room, then she felt her body go numb. "Where's Ginny? Where's Gilderoy?" Hermione dropped her cash box on the floor just as the door opened.  
  
Ginny and Gildeory stepped out into a room full of people.  
  
Gilderoy straightened out his clothes and then smiled at the staff. "What? No applause?"  
  
Before he could get in another word, Draco was pummeling his face, and slamming his head on the ground.  
  
"Draco!" Snape ran towards the two fighting bodies.  
  
Hermione stared at the scene that was unfolding in front of her. "Draco!" cried Hermione between sobs, "stop, he's not worth it!"  
  
Snape and Ron managed to pull Draco off and nearly unconscious Lockhart.  
  
Gilderoy got up, and threw a punch at Draco while Snape was trying to help him up.  
  
"Wise up, Junior."  
  
Snape grabbed Gilderoy's Bag and Robes and threw them at him and began to shove him towards the back entrance.  
  
"Take you purse, and get the hell out fo my store!"  
  
Gildeory picked up his bag and walked towards the back exit. He turned around and sneered at Snape. "Where's Minerva?"  
  
"She quit."  
  
'What?" Lockhart looked down at his belongings and was shell-shocked that HE would have to carry them out to the carriage himself.  
  
Harry got up on the couch, "And I was lying about your hair, it looks stupid!"  
  
"And we all hate your new album!" Pansy spat on the ground as she said this.  
  
Lee laughed, "And not to mention the ones before that!"  
  
Seamus shook his head. "You're just a washed up impostor, man."  
  
Lockhart shot them one last glance before walking out the door, "Why don't you all just fade away?!" And with that, Gildeory Lockhart was gone.  
  
Everyone in the store shifted their gaze to Ginny, who was standing in the back, looking a bit disheveled.  
  
Seamus was the first to speak. "How could you? With Gildeory Lockhart?"  
  
Hermione stood next to Ginny, barely able to control her anger. "I hate you," she spat out, then Hermione ran into the bathroom and shut the door.  
  
Snape rubbed his temples, "Ginny, you better get back to Hogwarts."  
  
"Am I fired?" Ginny shifted from one foot to another, aware that all of the staff was looking right at her.  
  
"Have I fired anyone today? No. Why would I start with you?"  
  
Just then, Hermione came out of the bathroom and began screaming at Ginny. No one had ever seen her so upset.  
  
She grabbed Ginny and shoved her against a wall. "So this is how your life's gonna be now, huh? You're just gonna screw every has-been until your tits fall down and they don't want you anymore?"  
  
Ginny pushed Hermione off her, "well, at least I don't hide what I am, right Hermione? At least im not some closet muggle-speed freak, right? What? You don't think I see what you do?! DO YOU THINK I DON'T SEE WHAT YOU DO?!"  
  
Hermione clenched her fists on either side of her, tears streaming from her face, "SHUT UP!"  
  
"I know what you do, Hermione," Ginny walked over to Hermione's bag and pulled out a small silver pill box. "What's this?" Ginny emptied the contents into her hand and looked at them, "what's this? What are these, HUH? Pepper-up pills? Diet pills?"  
  
Hermione was against the wall, "ssssh, Ginny, please....."  
  
"Well Hermione?"  
  
"STOP IT GINNY!" hermione's body shook as sobs ran through her body.  
  
Ginny walked over to Hermione and shoved the pills in her face. "You know, I could study all night if I was chowing down muggle speed too you know that, I could." Ginny threw the pills at Hermione and backed away. "I know all about it, it makes your brain get all wacky and keeps you up at all hours." She picked up few pills and began to throw them one by one at Hermione's crumpled form on the ground. "Here's one for your perfect little face, and one for your perfect body!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Hermione was back on her feet screaming at Ginny.  
  
Ginny, however, did not back off. She continued to throw the pills at Hermione. "And one for your PERFECT FAMILY! And your PERFECT BLOODY SCHOOL!"  
  
"STOPP ITT!"  
  
Snape had had enough fo the catfight and held Ginny's arms back. "Ginny, stop it, c'mon...."  
  
Ginny struggled against Snape's grip. "AND YOUR PERFECT, PERFECT FUTURE!" Ginny slumped against Snape and regained her balance. "I'm stopping, let me go."  
  
Sev tried to lead Ginny away. Ginny broke free and turned to face Snape. "I'm stopping....." she shot a glare at Hermione who was clutching her stomach and sobbing, "It's always about her."  
  
Ginny stomped off towards the store.  
  
As soon as the door slammed, Snape went up to Hermione and tried to comfort her. "It's gonna be fine, really."  
  
Hermione just wrenched herself away from Snape and looked at him with tear- filled eyes. "NO! IT'S NOT GONNA BE FINE! NOTHING'S EVER FINE! I'LL SHOW YOU FINE! I'LL SHOW YOU PERFECT!"  
  
Hermione grabbed a pair of scissors and ran out into the store. In front a customers, she attacked a Gilderoy Lockhart poster screaming "I hate you!" at the top of her lungs.  
  
Ron, Seamus, Snape, and Lee ran up to her and pulled her back, and removed the scissors from her hands. 


	21. Nobody is Perfect

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU (ESPECIALLY ILDERA) for the fabulastic reviews! It made me happy, despite the fact that I'm in summer session and I have a mid-term in the morning:-P  
  
BTW: So sorry for those who retched a bit with the Ginny/Lockhart deal. I HAD TO! IT WENT WITH THE SCRIPT!  
  
Now that I have apologized and defended the pairing (I don't like it either...), here's another chapter..it's almost over!  
  
*tears*  
  
~Kissy~  
  
~*~  
  
Pansy took the hysterical Hermione to the bathroom and sat her down on the toilet. She filled the sink with water.  
  
"Get up."  
  
Hermione looked at Pansy with a mixture of fear and curiosity. 'Why is she in here with me? Helping me?' Hermione shook her thoughts away and walked towards Pansy.  
  
Pansy smiled, put her hand on Hermione's back...........and dunked her face into the sink.  
  
"Pluh! Blegh! Gurgle gurgle! PANSY!"  
  
"Shhhhh....." She dipped Hermione's face in slower this time, and then brought her up and wiped off the water with a towel.  
  
"Better?"  
  
Hermione sat back down on the toilet. "Yeah."  
  
Pansy took the towel back over to Hermione and handed it to her. "Ok, come on, dry it off."  
  
Pansy looked at Hermione and realized she had never seen the bookish girl look so lost and vulnerable. At first Pansy wanted to dance in circles and rejoice that Hermione had fallen off the pedestal everyone put her up on.....but looking at her crumpled on the toilet seat, sobbing into a towel used by EVERYONE on the staff, well, Pansy wanted to.....feel sorry for her.  
  
She knelt down in front of Hermione and stroked the sobbing girl's hand. "So I guess nobody really has it all together."  
  
Hermione looked up and a small smile formed on her lips. "No."  
  
"I feel like I should welcome you to the neighborhood or something," Pansy said with a small laugh, her first laugh that day. "Anyway, did you really want to do Gilderoy Lockhart in the count-out room? Is that how you always imagined your first time would be? You're back up against the daily totals and your feet pounding against the safe?" Pansy got up and backed up against the bathroom wall in a fake swoon. "Oh Gildy, stop that! You're so sexy!"  
  
Both girls looked at each other, and collapsed in a fit of laughter. Hermione was the first to stop. She looked at Pansy and sighed, "Why are you being so nice to me?"  
  
Pansy got up and smirked. She pulled up Hermione and opened the door. Before she walked out, she turned to face Hermione, "Let's save our happy moment, it doesn't happen too often."  
  
Hermione watched Pansy walk out, and for the first time, she realized she didn't need to be perfect for Pansy to like her at all.  
  
~*~  
  
Ron took over the couch and popped in a WVD (Wizard Video Disc). His favorite band, GWAR (also known as GWAR to muggles...but muggles never really know how many wizards pose as muggles, which would take all the fun out!) came on the screen and started stomping around on stage. Ron reached over the side of the couch where he was hiding the pumpkin cakes that Seamus had made him earlier that day. 'mmmm..these are pretty good!' Ron gobbled up the 'magic' pumpkin cakes while taking in every aspect of the GWAR WVD to get some pointers for when he started his band.  
  
Suddenly, the singers on the WTV stopped stomping and started talking to Ron.  
  
"Hey! Hey Ron! You love GWAR, why don't you join the band!"  
  
Ron looked around the room frantically, bits and pieces of pumpkin cake flying out of his mouth. Then, as if he had touched a port key, he was IN the video WITH GWAR!  
  
'This is wicked trippy!' Ron giggled as he began to stomp around on stage. He played air-guitar like he had so many times in the store, and before his eyes, a real guitar appeared. Ron strummed on it to start off, and then he was wailing all over the stage.  
  
Then the music stopped.  
  
The lead singer came up to Ron and clapped him on the back. "Aw man, Ron, you play a mean guitar, man. It's really a shame that you must DIE!"  
  
Out of nowhere, a giant bunch of Devil's Snare appeared and started to go after Ron. He ran and screamed like a girl, "Awwww, wait! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Hey! Come on! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..............."  
  
"Whoa!" Ron looked around and he was back on the couch, eating the magic pumpkin cakes. "Ha, wicked, I love you Seamus, man, you never fail me with the cakes."  
  
~*~  
  
Snape was in his office, trying to take in everything that had happened. 'How in Merlin's name,' thought Snape, 'did everything happen this way? Today, of all days! At the same BLOODY TIME!'  
  
He slammed his fist on his desk just as the door opened and Minerva appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Hey. So what are you doing when this day is over?"  
  
Snape leaned back on his chair, "I don't know, I'm either going to jail or to hell, I can't decide which."  
  
"Well, wherever you're going, would you like to come back up to Hogwarts sometime and help me out in scaring the small children again? That place sure seems cheery since you've been here acting like a regular wizard. We still need a substitute potions master from time to time, you wouldn't have to leave Empress, and it's only once a month or so."  
  
For the first time that day, Snape smiled. "You bet."  
  
(A/N: I KNOW in the movie the characters that Snape and McGonagall (SP?) play end up together, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I apologize to the disappointed ones.)  
  
~*~  
  
Seamus was sitting on the stairs, twiddling with some string he had found earlier on the backroom floor. Draco was sitting just a step below him, head in his hands.  
  
"Hey Malfoy, Can I ask you something? Do you know where Warvard is?"  
  
Draco looked up at Seamus, "It's in America, in a city called Boston."  
  
Seamus shook his head, and slid down so he was sitting next to Draco. "No man, I mean, do you really know where Warvard is? It's another planet, man. Another universe. Totally unlike the one we know, even the fancy rich one you know. Filled with big blonder guys who eat ivy and row boats." Draco stared a Seamus like he had to heads, but he knew Seamus was on another planet himself, so he nodded for the boy to continue.  
  
"What I'm trying to say is that you and Hermione are just not made for each other. Aside from being muggle born, she's, she's different that you. She's- -"  
  
Before Seamus could even justify his ramblings, Draco had already started to walk away.  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione was drawing a symbol on a piece of parchment.  
  
Harry walked in and looked at the cards that Hermione had drawn. "'Death is in the cards,' 'Rest In Peace Pansy,' A funeral. Is Pansy not with us anymore?" Harry had a quick flashback to Pansy's bandaged wrist, to him telling Draco that she was safe, then back to Pansy's wrists...  
  
Hermione looked up from her parchment. Ever since Pansy left her in the bathroom, Hermione was determined to let Pansy know the people WOULD miss her, and that hurting herself was just as bad as what Hermione was doing. Pansy cleared Hermione's mind, now Hermione wanted to clear Pansy's.  
  
"If Pansy wants to die, let's show her what a real funeral would be like." 


	22. A funeral, a wand, and a job

Here we go kids......it's the last leg of all of this  
  
~Chapter 22: a funeral, a wand, and a job~  
  
Hermione gathered the staff into the backroom where she had set up 2 tables together. Candles were all over the room, and the lights were dimmed. Slow, dreary music filled the back, and Pansy was laid across the two tables, hands across her chest, eyes closed.  
  
She was dead.  
  
Or at least pretending to be. 'Bloody hell, stupid Hermione and all this getting to know you by pretending you're dead bullshit...' Pansy continued to mumble under her breath as Hermione came into the room and stood by Pansy's feet.  
  
"We're gathered here today to pay our last respects to Pansy. She left us and never said why, but I'm really gonna miss her. And I wish that I could have known her a little better." Hermione bowed her head towards the 'corpse.'  
  
"Dogshit."  
  
Seamus nudged Pansy, "Hey, dead people don't talk."  
  
Hermione gestured towards Lee. "Lee, would you like to say anything?"  
  
"Pansy, I just...I just want you to stay, that's all."  
  
Hermione nodded, and then looked at Draco.  
  
Draco took a deep breath and began speaking, except he was looking at Hermione the whole time. "Well, is it better to know or to not know? You see, I wanna go to art school but I'm afraid."  
  
Pansy squirmed on the table, "Merlin, I hate this funeral!"  
  
~*~  
  
Back in the store, Ron was left in charge while the mock funeral went on in the back. He was at the register ringing up customers, answering the phone, and trying to keep the peace. Just as soon as Ron hung up with an inquiry, the wizard phone rang....AGAIN.  
  
"Empress Records open 'til midnight, this is Ron.....huh? Yes....I SAID WE'RE OPEN TILL MIDNIGHT YOU BUBBLE-HEADED GIT!"  
  
Ron took out his wand and pointed at the wizard phone with murder in his eyes. He backed away slowly and pressed a button on the register...  
  
"HELP ME!" Ron's voice echoed throughout the store and in the back. "Help me, Help me, help me! Oh, Merlin's beard...umm......"  
  
~*~  
  
Ron's cries for help were heard loud and clear in the backroom. Pansy had to control herself and keep from laughing out loud. Everyone else was in the same position; giggles were being stifled around the room-it was a funeral after all.  
  
Draco sighed after the tenth cry for help. "I'll take care of it Sev."  
  
"Thanks," said Snape, who at this point could care less if the store burned to the ground.  
  
Meanwhile, Hermione was watching the whole mock-funeral, feeling like there was a big part of her missing. "I miss Ginny," she blurted out loud.  
  
"That's really special but aren't we supposed to be talking about me?" Pansy was not one to be ignored, even at her own 'funeral.'  
  
"I know," said Hermione, slightly embarrassed that she had let those words slip out, "I just can't stop thinking about her. She's not afraid of life, and she's not afraid to be herself. And I wish that I could be like that, I wish I could be brave like Ginny. So much for being a Gryffindor, I basically failed my house."  
  
Out of the shadows, a figure walked into the room. Everyone squinted in the dimly lit room to make out who had been watching the 'funeral' this whole time.  
  
It was Ginny.  
  
She ran up to Hermione and gave her a hug. She pulled away and took Hermione's face in her hands. Tears were streaming down her face, "You are brave. You're getting out of here! "Ginny let go and looked around the room and then back to Hermione. "You're always talking about how I do what I wanna do, but I don't. I don't. Partly because I have complete bone-heads as brothers who, like every guy out there, sees me as someone who should just settle down after Hogwarts and pop out kids like my mum. But I want to sing in a band, but, erm, I don't even have the guts to audition! And I know that if I don't do something I'm gonna end up like my mother, her life ended after Hogwarts. She popped out Bill and Charlie, and hell, she was barefoot and preggers for years!"  
  
Hermione was shocked to hear that speech come from Ginny. Ginny, fiery, brave, persistent, guts of steel Ginny. She took the red-head's hand and gave her a warm smile.  
  
"You're never gonna be like your mum if you don't want to be like her. You're gonna be fine."  
  
The two girls embraced as a disgusted and annoyed Pansy watched.  
  
"That is so sweet I think I'm gonna barf." Pansy got up from her 'coffin.' "Excuse me."  
  
Hermione suddenly pinned Pansy down. She wasn't done with the funeral, "Hey, help me keep her down! Someone go get Ron, Draco can run the store fine!"  
  
The group finally pinned Pansy down, and Ron came into the back looking disheveled and relieved at the same time.  
  
Harry was the first one to begin speaking again. "Er, I used to pee in my bed." The staff just stared at the boy-who-lived, now the boy-who-pissed- the-bed. "I did, I, I wet the bed until I was ten. Aunt Petunia wanted to turn me over to an orphanage when I was ten, not because I wet the bed, at least I don't think that was it, but she said I was a bad seed like my mother. She was terrified of our kind, of magic. Anyways, then Hagrid showed up when I turned eleven, and well, ever since I've been at Hogwarts, and met Dumbledore, and Ron and Hermione, and well, now befriended all of you, especially Sev and Draco, I'm a lot more well-adjusted today than I ever was. That and Voldemort's dead, so that saved some of my sanity as well."  
  
Pansy was getting pretty tired of the confessionals around her. She sat up and looked at everyone, then pulled up her sleeve and looked at her bandaged wrist. "Look, I tried to kill myself with a muggle razor; a pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a thing called a moisturizing strip. And it took me forever to just get through my skin. I don't know; I was just really tired of being invisible."  
  
Before she could protest, the whole staff was hugging Pansy. "We love you Pansy!" was heard over Pansy's screams of protest.  
  
~*~  
  
In the store, everything was smooth sailing. Draco calmed the storm, and was glad that Ron was called to the back. He was irritating the hell out of him today. 'Stupid Weasley and his stupid trips and highs.' Draco continued to silently curse out Ron as he worked the registers. He finished ringing up the last person in line, but before he could lean back for a bit, another person came up in front of him. Draco stared at the person intently, slightly amused.  
  
"Warren, get out of the store."  
  
Warren leaned over the counter and sneered at Draco. "You can't tell me what to do, DRACO." He drew out Draco's name as long as his breath held out. He pulled out his wand and Draco instinctively reached for his. 'Crap.' Draco's wand was lying on the coffee table in the backroom. Warren realized that Draco was wand-less, so he pointed the wand at Draco, waving it around in a threatening manner.  
  
"What are you doing with that wand?"  
  
"What do you THINK I'm doing with a wand?" Warren began to mutter words under his breath.....  
  
BANG!!  
  
~*~  
  
In the back room, Seamus jumped up. "What the hell was that?"  
  
~*~  
  
Warren looked at the gaping hole in the wall where his curse had hit. "Oh, holy shit man..." He looked frantically around the registers for any sign of Draco. Images of Azkaban zipped in front of his mind.  
  
Out of nowhere, Draco appeared and began to dust off his robes. He looked at Warren and held out his hand.  
  
"Warren, why don't you let these people go?" He looked around the store where the customers had dropped to the ground, too terrified to move. Warren saw this and started waving his wand at anyone who tried to leave. "Warren, what do you say, huh?"  
  
"Good try Draco, good try. You're trying to fool me, man, and I'm not that dumb. These people will call the ministry on me!"  
  
"Warren, no one is going to call the ministry."  
  
The rest of the staff was watching the face off from the door window in the back room.  
  
Snape shook his head. "It's Warren, he's shooting up the place with who knows what curse.."  
  
Hermione ran up to look out into the store and gasped, "Oh no, Draco!"  
  
Snape held her arm to keep her from going out into the store. "Draco is fine. Everybody stand back, Minerva.is Minerva still here?"  
  
McGonagall stepped up front. "Yes?"  
  
"Call the ministry."  
  
~*~  
  
Warren was running around the register, wand poised to shoot out curses at whoever moved.  
  
"I'm crazy, and I've got a wand." He looked around and saw Snape walking towards him. "Hey! Hey Severus! Did you see that, man? Did you see that? Wasn't that brilliant?" Warren pointed to the hole in the wall and grinned maniacally. "YEAH! Didn't you just LOVE that? You told me not to come back......and here I am!"  
  
"Give me the wand, Warren."  
  
Warren pointed his wand towards Snape faster than Snape could grab his own wand. "Expelliarmus! (a/n: sorry if the spelling is busted() Snape ducked just in time to miss the curse. It hit a shelf right behind him and sent several wizard discs toppling to the ground. Severus got up and began to walk towards Warren with his own wand in his hand when someone put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He looked up and saw Pansy.  
  
"Pansy? What are you doing?"  
  
"I wanted to have a little chat with Warren."  
  
"Ha, have a little chat with my wand!"  
  
Pansy seemed unfazed by the threat. She walked directly up to Warren and pointed his wand to her face.  
  
"What do you want Warren?"  
  
Blood rushed to Warren's face, "STOP CALLING ME WARREN! MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING WARREN!"  
  
~*~  
  
The staff in the back passed the new information around.  
  
"His name isn't Warren." Said Seamus to Hermione. "His name isn't Warren," said Hermione to Ginny.  
  
"His name isn't Warren?" Lee was a little confused.  
  
"I thought his name was Warren?" Ron peeked out the door, then shrugged his shoulders and ate more pumpkin cakes.  
  
~*~  
  
Pansy was still standing directly in front of Warren's wand. "Well, you can't kill me, 'Warren,' because I'm already dead. And I talked to the Hogwarts founders and they said 'Yo, wassup?' and erm, they want to you to lose the wand."  
  
Shaking, Warren looked all over the store, to Draco who was still standing by the registers, Snape who had given up and began to fix up the damage he had caused, to the heads that were sticking out of the door that lead to the backroom. He looked back at Pansy, panic spreading all over his face. "You're psycho! YOU ARE PSYCHO! What the hell is wrong with you people? All of you belong to St. Mungo's! Everyone one of you! Forget you guys, I don't need you. You think you're so good and damn great cos you work in a freakin' record store! You think you're so....." Warren took a deep breath, his face red with frustration, ".......superior! Hey, Snape, Harry the great STEALS nine grand from you and you don't do dick to him? What are you gonna do to me? Give me a job?!"  
  
Lee and the rest of the staff had come out of the back room during Warren's speech. Lee approached Warren with caution, seeing as he was obviously mad, and armed.  
  
"So that's it Warren? You wanna work in a record store?"  
  
"No."  
  
Harry came up and stood next to Lee. "I think you're lying, Warren."  
  
Pointing to Snape, Warren looked at Harry, "He's not gonna give me a job."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Why should he? Why would ANYONE give ME a job?"  
  
"He gave me one." Harry and Snape walked towards Warren, and before he could even blink, Snape had his wand.  
  
Looking hopefully at Severus, Warren grinned, "So, do I get the job?"  
  
At that moment, a team of wiz-cops charged through the door. 


	23. SAVE THE EMPRESS!

WHEW..this story is so much fun, and I am sad to say it's almost over( But quickly, for all of you who liked this one, I received some suggestions about another parody....let me know which one would interest YOU. I'm going by the majority on this one( thanks!  
  
1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off 2. When Harry Met Sally 3. Armageddon 4. 40 days and 40 nights 5. Gone with the Wind (this one will be a doozy!)  
  
Let me know!  
  
P.S. seriously, I need some feedback as to what I should write next...another movie parody? Something "serious"? Plus, this is the second to last chapter! AHHHH!  
  
*Kissy*  
  
The store had finally calmed down. The day was winding into the evening, and the wiz-cops could not believe that one establishment could endure so much in one day. One of the wiz-cops finished filling out a form and handed a copy to Snape.  
  
"Well, considering the fact that he's a minor and he wasn't using any unforgivable curses, or at least he didn't harm anyone in the process, even if that was his intent, so there's really not a whole lot we can do to him."  
  
Snape shrugged and took the copy of the report, "Well, thanks a lot guys."  
  
Lee went up to Warren and clapped him on the back, "Take care Warren."  
  
"Yeah," said Snape, "stay out of trouble, ok?"  
  
Draco ran up to Warren right before they port-keyed away, "Hey! Wait a minute! Warren, I made this for you." Draco handed Warren a name tag similar to the one's everyone on the staff wore. 'WARREN,' it read out in big block letters that magically spin around in their places.  
  
Warren took the name tag and beamed at Draco. "Thanks man." Warren took a look at the staff, Draco, Snape, then at the wiz-cops. He looked at the name tag and handed it back to Draco. "Can you keep it here for me so when I get back...."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Thanks man."  
  
Harry walked up to Warren and caught him in a big hug. "Take care of yourself; don't let the man get you down."  
  
Warren laughed and hugged Harry back. "Yeah, you too Harry." He looked at the staff and saw Ginny. He winked at her, "Bye Ginny."  
  
Lee laughed, "Hey kid, if you do time, don't drop the soap."  
  
And with that, Warren was gone.  
  
Snape shook his head and turned back to walk to his office. Pansy walked over and handed Harry a sack full of money.  
  
"it's 1900 galleons. I sold my Vespa Broom 9000 to some kids from Durmstrang. They're a stupid lot really."  
  
Harry was dumbfounded; even he knew how much Pansy loved her broom. It was vintage. "No way."  
  
Minerva stepped forward as well with another sack of money. "Here's 600 left over from the Gilderoy Lockhart expense account."  
  
Lee was grinning from ear to ear, "Cool stuff professor."  
  
"Here are about 30 galleons from those buttons Pansy was selling up front," said Ron, who handed Harry a paper sack full of coins.  
  
"I have some money in my bag," volunteered Hermione.  
  
"Here are a few coins, and some gooey gookey gum for good karma." Lee threw down more money on the table that was overflowing with coins.  
  
Draco handed Harry 32 more galleons. Snape looked at everyone, and then took off on of his rings. He handed it to Harry. "Here, see how much money you can get from this."  
  
Pansy was on the floor counting the money that had been contributed. "That's about 3050 galleons so far."  
  
"Six more and you'll be set Harry! You can pay Sev back!" Hermione was beaming at her friend.  
  
Harry flopped down on the couch, and then began to throw a mini-fit in which he pulled at his hair, mused up his clothes, and then he stopped and looked at the staff. "It's not about money, ok? I, I hate money; Merlin knows I never knew what it felt like to have any till my first year at Hogwarts. Er, look, I thought I knew what I was doing when I went to Atlantis City, but I didn't, ok? I wanted to save Empress. I give up.....Snape, go and call Mitch."  
  
Snape sat down next to Harry, "I think we can work something out here."  
  
"No! Now is the time, just call him." No one spoke. They had never seen Harry so willing to admit defeat, to give up. This was a boy who stayed up late at night copying Hermione's notes so he would pass, the one who carried Ron back from Hogsmeade many times before because he was too wasted to walk, who beat Draco in every quidditch game, not because he was better, but because he wanted to. Draco looked at Harry on the couch- -this was the boy he had competed with for everything: recognition, fame, Hermione's attention, quidditch champ, everything!  
  
Ron, witnessing his best friend crumble on a couch looked at the wiz-tv, and what he saw sparked his greatest idea to date.  
  
"Woah...wait a second..give me a couple of seconds before you talk to Mitch...OH YEAH!"  
  
~*~  
  
Outside the store, Rita Skeeter was now a field reporter for wiz-tv. It was ok, because everything on wiz-tv news was live and protected by numerous charms so no glamours or poly-juice potion could be used. Rita HAD to report what was there, no matter how boring it was.  
  
This story however was exactly what Rita was waiting for. Mad Juvenile Wizard goes Wand Crazy in popular Record Store owned by Former Hogwarts Professor, Severus Snape, who employs the cream of the crop including Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy! Rita was giddy with joy. She looked into the camera and smiled. Her report was almost over and it was going GREAT!  
  
"And so the perpetrator will now be taken to Azkaban's Juvenile Center and likely charged with assault with a wand, using magic as a minor and attempted Expelliarmusing a known war hero and former professor."  
  
Rita smiled and was just about to do a closing comment when Ron popped up next to her, breathing heavily from running across the store.  
  
"I..saw...phew..the whole thing go down! You see, I work here," said Ron who was waving his Empress Records name tag in front of the camera.  
  
~*~  
  
In the back room, Seamus had started to watch the wiz -tv while the waited to see what Ron was so excited about. Rita Skeeter was in front of the store reporting on Warren's antics earlier that evening when all of a sudden....  
  
"hey guys! Check it out! Ron's on Wiz-TV!"  
  
The staff gathered around the t.v and watched as Ron began to talk to Skeeter.  
  
"He's on the news; he's right outside the store." Seamus leaned forward and watched Ron.  
  
~*~  
  
Rita gained some composure and smiled at the red-head who seemed very excited to see her. She remembered him as Harry Potter's best pal. 'This is great!' thought Rita. 'Harry's school chum AND employee at Empress who witnessed EVERYTHING! I am so getting my own show after this!'  
  
"Well, joining us is an eyewitness to the scene. None other than Ron Weasley Pal and confidante of the esteemed Mr. Harry Potter. Ron, an employee of the store who saw it all. Tell us what happened.  
  
Ron grabbed the wand-mic and started talking at an incredibly fast rate. "Well, you see, there was this guy here and he kind of wigged out and everything, but that's beside the point. Because we're having a get together here tonight, there's gonna be free admission, live music, chicks, the full nine yards! Heavy shit, here, Empress, at Midnight! Hey Dumbledore, you gotta let the kids come man, trust me, it's to save Harry's ass!"  
  
Rita was speechless, but before Ron could start promoting the party that was happening at the Empress, Rita managed to grab the wand-mic back. "Mr. Weasley! We're live on the air right now! That's the story that young child---"  
  
Ron grabbed the wand-mic back before Rita could chastise him further, "Anybody can come! Here, at midnight! Party on! DAMN THE MAN! SAVE THE EMPRESS!" 


	24. AUTHOR APOLOGY FOR BEING SUCH A SLOW BUM

**_To my wonderful readers of "Empress Records" :_**

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**_My apologies to you in regards to the last chapter of this story._****_  I guarantee that I am working on it at the moment.  I was a bit caught up in my new fic, as well as summer classes.  But I promise it will be posted this week.  Thank you if you are still reading this. _**

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**_I have started a new fanfic called "When Draco Met Hermione" that I have posted here on fanfiction.net, as well as schnoogle.net for all interested parties.  It's a parody of When Harry Met Sally and so far I have gotten great feedback.  It's pretty funny, I have Hermione as a student from London who was sent to Salem School of Witchcraft cuz her mum & dad were all iffy about her attending a *gasp!* co-ed school like Hogwarts.  Flash forward and Hermione is driving Malfoy to NYC.  Malfoy, who did attend Hogwarts, watched his dad go  batty since Voldemort fell.  So Draco runs off to attend a muggle university and live as a muggle.  An eighteen hour drive and a five year gap later, Hermione and Draco meet again, but no love yet……not for a few more years……_**

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**_So, please feel free to enjoy my new story as I tweak out the last chapter of empire!!!!!  Thanks a million._**

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**_With love,_**

**_Kissy_**


	25. The beginning of the end ?

After Ron's impromptu wiz-t.v. appearance, calls and owls were flying in from all over Hogsmeade and neighboring villages. People were already starting to gather outside the store.

The Empress Records staff frantically began to set up. Ron was on the wiz-phone with Fred and George ordering as much butterbeer and firewhiskey as possible. Hermione and Pansy were making signs that flashed '_Save the Empress!'_ and 'EVERYTHING_ IN THE STORE IS FOR __SALE__…EXCEPT THE EMPLOYEES' _in sparkling letters.

In the back, Lee Jordana was busy owling some Hogwarts students who made up his band. He was transfiguring some furniture on that he and Ginny had brought to the roof into instruments.

Inside the store, Seamus was given full run of the register. As he sold a record to a young student, he leaned over and looked the boy sternly in the eye.

"You know, this," he said, pointing to the record he just sold, "is something you have to invest in when you're young because you know what mate? A record like that is like life. It goes around and around!" The boy just stared at Seamus, who he supposed was barking mad…much like the rest of the staff seemed.

Draco, who arrived to relieve Seamus from the register, was haggling with a wizard who was asking about a poster of Britta Sparks. The pop singer in the poster winked at the wizard who wanted to purchase it. "How much is this?"

Draco thought for a moment, then grinned slyly, "Forty Galleons…and that's a steal, my good wizard, because at night, she sleeps naked." The wizard promptly handed over the money and rushed out of the store, no doubt to sit and watch his new poster strip. Grinning wildly, Draco began to charge exorbitant amounts of money for the remaining items in the store, not caring that he was ripping customer off.

'_Anything to save this place,'_ thought Draco as he charged a young witch a hundred galleons for a poster of a less-than-amused Gilderoy Lockhart.

//

"Butterbeer!" Ron was rolling in several kegs with his wand onto the sidewalk in front of the empire. As soon as the first keg was tapped, the queue for butterbeer already stretched around the block. Draco came up behind Ron and helped him hand out the beer.

"Who's watching the register man?" Draco shrugged, and then pointed to a bewildered Seamus who was attempting to use the register.

"No worries, mate, we've already made a profit." He took the tap and smiled a the people in line. "Alright folks, that's five knuts a cup!"

Soon, Lee and his band were playing a few tunes on the roof. The small fundraiser turned into what seemed like full on block party. Hermione and Pansy were walking around with large barrels levitated in front of them that read '**_Save the Empress! Any donations accepted!'_** Surprisingly, everyone in the crowd pitched in whatever they could.

The party in full swing, and the store being cleared of its contents, Severus smiled. But it soon faded when he saw a horseless carriage pull up in front of the crowd.

Mitchell Fudge stepped out and glared at the a group of dancing witches by the entrance to the store.

Approaching Severus, Mitchell gestured towards the entrance to the backroom. Snape nodded and walked into the back.

"What the hell in Merlin's name is going on here Severus? Why do I get the feeling that I am getting royally screwed right now?"

By now, the entire staff had convened in the back to watch what would happen.

Snape just smiled slyly, and approached Mitchell, "Well, because you are Mitch. There was never any money in that bag I handed you this afternoon; one of my employees needed it."

"Who," stuttered Mitch, looking frantically about the room at the entire staff gathered by the couch, "Who took my money?"

Harry, who had resumed his position on the couch looked up and put his hand to his ear. "Will you listen to that Mitch? This is some party, one hell of a turn out."

Staring at the boy on the couch, Mitchell stared at him blankly until Harry pushed his hair aside to reveal his scar. "Harry Potter, remember Mitch? I still work here."

"Oh, yes, Mr. Potter, we were having a discussion abou—" Harry put his finger to his lips and Mitchell stopped babbling. Getting up, Harry walked towards Mitchell and Snape, tapping his chin.

"Mitchell, I wanted to talk to you about this whole Magik Muzik town bit. Next week you're going to be the owner of one of many Magik Muzik Towns in wizarding Britain, am I right?"

"Yes," answered Mitchell.

Harry continued to pace in front of the bewildered man who was starting to back away from him. Making an about face, Harry, still tapping his chin and speaking in an oddly soothing voice addressed Mitchell again.

"And you like this because Magik Muzik Town jacks up their prices to make more money?"

"Well, Mr Potter, they said you were a smart boy…"

"Mitchell, let me finish. Now, when MMT comes in, well, Severus will be out. Draco will be out, and all the beautiful little tattooed, Bertie Botts eating freaks are out as well. And it, er, pretty much goes without saying that I won't have a job as well."

Mitchell was no longer amused by Harry, but annoyed and angry. "Well," spat out Mitchell, "I wish it had gone without saying, but you don't seem to _shut up_!" Draco managed to stifle a laugh, as did most of the staff.

Severus stepped in between Harry and Mitchell, his hand on Harry's chest holding him back. "Mitchell, what I think Harry is trying to say is that _I'm_ going to open my own store."

Mitchell stared at Snape, then let out laugh, "You? Ha, you don't have the start up capital!"

"Yes he does," scoffed Harry. Snape turned and gave Harry a look that said '_shut up!'_

"No, I don't," admitted Snape, "But I will. I will get it Mitchell." As he turned away to walk back out into the store, he turned to look at Mitch one more time. "By the way, I quit."

Severus and his staff walked out into the store leaving Mitchell standing in the back room looking completely dumbfounded.


	26. Sugar High

Night soon fell upon Hogsmeade and the staff of Empress Records was trying to enjoy the rest of the party out on the street.  Mitchell Fudge had emerged from the back room and attempted to take over the register, which was blocked by a crowd of people trying to purchase everything  they could get their hands on, including what looked like a trash bin from the rest rooms.

Snape pulled Harry aside once they were back in the store.  "You knew didn't you?"  Harry attempted to feign a look of confusion on his face, but gave up with a  sign and nodded.

"You knew what I wanted to do with this place." With a nod, Harry looked up at his former professor, and now friend, and smiled.  "I knew you weren't happy Sevvy."

"Don't call me Sevvy," growled Snape as he and Harry walked out into the street to join in on the festivities.

//

Up on the roof, Lee Jordan and his band had set up and were getting ready to play a new tuned they had just written. Ginny sat on the ledge and looked longingly at the muggle microphone that Lee had set up.  Seeing her expression, Lee waved Ginny over to join the band.

"What is it Lee?"

Smiling broadly, Lee transfigured a leaf on the ground into a second mic and pushed Ginny towards it.  "Umm, Lee, I don't really underst— "

"Gin, look, I know you've heard us practicing before, and you know all our songs.  So just, sing along alright?  It'll be fun."

With slight trepidation, Ginny approached the muggle contraption, then turned to Lee with a big smile.  The band began to play a familiar song and Ginny began to dance and jump around, watching Lee for her cue to sing.

_(Lee)_

_They all said life's just, a bowl of cherry, but_

_Sometimes it seems like anything but._

_Sometimes reputations outlive their applications_

_Sometimes fires just don't go out, when you're done casting you spell_

_I feel so funny deep inside, I wanna kiss my self goodbye…sugarhigh_

With a wink, Ginny grabbed her mic and sang along with Lee…

_(Ginny)_

_Gotta have it really need it to get by.._

_(Lee)_

_Sugarhigh…_

_(Ginny)_

_Gotta feel it, can't conceal it sugarhigh!_

_(Lee)_

_I could go out and not even leave the common room_

_Exploding snap and a bottle of smuggled wine's just fine_

_Crashing out on that old beat up couch_

_Watching my drunk housemates trying to fly inside_

_I guess that's why---_

_//_

Inside the store Mitchell Fudge was struggling to keep up with all the items that were being purchased.  With a look of fury, his hands clenched at his sides, he let out a guttural yell, "DOES ANYONE WORK AT THIS BLASTED STORE?!"

"I do."  Turning around, Mitchell saw a young student in Hogwart's attire with an ID badge that read 'Warren.'

//

"Draco!  _Draco_!"  Hermione was slightly out of breath seeing as she had just run up four flights of stairs to the roof of the building.  In front of her was Lee's band and Ginny still playing for the crowd below.  Behind them was the towering sign that read 'Empress Records,' and sitting on top of the first 'S' was Draco.

//

Mitchell had had enough.  He stepped down from the register stand and began pushing people towards the exit.  Bumping into a young couple, Mitchell growled and swatted their cups of butterbeer out of their hands.  "Leave!"  Mitchell's red face was a bit comical to the couple and some customers standing near them.  Their laughter only angered Mitch so much more.  "Leave the merchandise," he hissed, "take yourselves and your cups and _get out_!  There must be someone out there on the street that you can piss off.  _OUT_!!"  Not wanting to anger the Mitchell anymore, the customers scattered towards the exit.

Suddenly, Mitch felt a tap on his shoulder.  Turning around, he was face to face with Severus Snape holding what looked like a large barrel.  His staff, save for a few people, were standing behind him grinning wildly, especially a red-headed man.

"Here is all you money.  Take it, the barrel is charmed so it's light as a feather.  Count it."

Taking the barrel of money, Mitch peered inside, then looked back at Snape.  "Look, Severus, I hate this place.  I really do, and I know you love it.  Let me sell it to you, in its present condition…_cheap_."

"Thanks," muttered Severus, trying his best to contain his happiness, "you won't regret it Mitch."  Mitchell just smiled weakly and turned around to walk out of the store.  Severus turned around to some of his staff, whispered loudly, "Asshole," as he high-fived, and shook hands with his former students.

//

With the song almost finished, Lee thought of something and nudged Ginny while the lead guitarist was finishing a solo.  "Take the lead Gin."

Shaking her head, Ginny pushed her mic towards Lee.  "What?  Uh-uh."

"Take it.."  Lee smirked and disapparated from the roof and stood below in the crowd with Pansy and watched Ginny look frantically for him.  

Ginny seethed with anger as she heard her part coming up.  Mustering all the courage she could, she stepped up to the mic and smiled.

(_Ginny_)

_I've..I've gone far and wide_

_I've explored the deepest caverns of my mind_

_To try and find, an explanation why_

_I get this funny feeling deep inside_

_When I think about my life, _

_I wanna kiss myself good bye!_

_Sugarhigh…_

As the crowd went wild, Severus stood in front of the store surveying the crowd before him.  Lee and Pansy were dancing together to Ginny's singing.  Ron and Seamus were…well, they were smoking something in the corner.  Warren was trying to look up a witch's robes, everything seemed as it should be.

In the back room, Harry was back on the couch examining his fingernails.  "Perfect," he muttered.  Then he looked up.  "Well, not entirely perfect."

//

Draco got down from the sign and was now facing Hermione who still looked like she needed to catch her breath.

"'Mione..umm, well, what the hell are you doing up here?"

Hermione pushed Draco, which caused him to stumble back a few feet.  Hermione charged up to him and pushed him again.  "Now you listen to me Draco Malfoy.  You are _so_ special and talented with your art.  You've gone from complete prat to a real human being!  You have everything it takes, and you're really stupid and you don't know that!"

No one spoke for a few seconds.  Draco broke the silence.  "Huh?"

Hermione sighed and sat down on the ledge of the roof, her head in her hands.  She looked up at Draco with a  few tears in her eyes.  "And I know you don't love me anymore and I know that I blew it, but at least know that I know that.  And if you decide to muck around this place instead of going to an Art school after Hogwarts  and if you still don't understand how special you are no matter what your family says, they you know nothing."

"Hermione, I—"

"And you know what?" interrupted Hermione, standing up to face Draco, " I did love you too, and I still do, only that I didn't realize it was love because it was more than love ad it wasn't just something stupid like putting out for Lockhart.  And I'll never really love anyone like I think I love you and I hate you," she screamed, pounding her fists on his chest, "I hate you!  Why do you-"  Draco caught her fists and brought her so close that the tips of their noses were touching. 

"Hermione," said Draco, speaking so softly it was practically a whisper, "I quit.  I'm going to an art school, in America, in Boston…so I can be near you."

Hermione looked up, her eyes all welled up with tears, "Really?"

"Yeah," said Draco with a smirk.  And as Fred and George let off their latest creation called never-ending fireworks, Draco captured Hermione's mouth in a kiss.  As the party went on, the rest of the staff ended up on the roof dancing to music from the WWN (Wireless Wizarding Network) and drinking the rest of the butterbeer.  Snape looked up and smiled. So did Harry.  "Now everything is perfect," he muttered as Ginny pulled him over to dance with the rest of the staff.

Ron and Seamus sat on the ledge eating more sweets and drinking as much firewhiskey as they could manage per cup.

"Hey, Seamus, you know that bloke, that one with the shaved head?  The muggle, a bit off his rocker, the liar, you know?"

His face lost in a cloud of smoke, Seamus put his thumbs up, "Yeah, Henry Rawlins?"

"Right," said Ron, "the guy with the tattoos all over him."

"Why are you talking about him huh?"  Seamus looked over at Ron who, like Snape and Harry , was surveying the dancing Empress Records staff on the roof.  He chuckled as he watch Harry attempt to fly his broom in a handstand.  Taking another swig of his firewhiskey, Ron turned to Seamus and grinned.

"Man, everything is going fine."  And he and Seamus got up and joined the rest of the staff.


End file.
